The Hobbit Stinks!

Visiting Disneyland immediately after the release of the second Lord of the Rings movie was a lot of fun. I remember walking down the side-walk at Downtown Disney, going into the movie-prop shop, to Tomorrowland and basically all over. I wasn't really even paying attention to what we were doing or what rides we were going on because I was too busy discussing invisible bullet-points to “Things that sucked in 'The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers'” with my big brother (and fellow Tolkien fan.)

It went something like this:

“Oh, my gosh. That was so dumb. Faramir didn't try to take Frodo and Sam back to Gondor in the book.”
“I know! he was a totally different character. And the whole thing with him beating up Gollum.”

“Ugh...That was so stupid!”

“Aragon falling over the cliff did not make sense at all.”

“Because there's now way we could like, find out that information except by accident! Not like we sent scouts out or anything.”

“Oh, my gosh! And they totally gutted the Ents.”

“No kidding! They didn't even have Quickbeam!”

(etc. etc)

Eventually, after a few hours of complaining, I came to a realization:

“Hey, CJ? You know, I think we really liked this movie.”

“Yeah," My brother admitted "but it's fun to complain about.”

We didn't really hate the movie, I think that simply by complaining about it we were (in a weird way) celebrating it. It was fun to: 1) “see” your fav. Character on screen, and 2) see a creative person's unique vision of the story (and it was fun to talk about how ours was better!)

In that spirit, I would like to discuss “Things That Sucked About The Hobbit”

• Azog the Goblin Who Was Magically Turned Into An Albino Orc

“Azog...Hmm...that name sounds familiar, I thought the one who killed Thorin's granddad died.” 

*Looks in the book*

“Ooh! He did die. His son Blog would have been the one to pursue the dwarves and fight them in the Battle of Five Armies.”

Boo! Not only did they loose the opportunity to expand the role of the goblin armies, they also lost the opportunity to explore them as sentient (albeit corrupt) beings. The roles could have been reversed a bit, with Blog trying to take revenge on the people who killed his father. That would have actually been true and it would have led up to the climax of “The Hobbit” better then side-stepping what Tolkien wrote.

• Thorin “Grumpy-pants” Oakenface

I understand what they were trying to do, and in a way I think they did it too well. Thorin Oakenshield is the most broody, majestic dwarf ever. While I think (especially after reviewing the Appendicies on him...but that will take up a whole post!) this is fairly consistent with Tolkien's vision of the character, I also think they painted him a bit too one dimensionally. Thorin knows how to have fun when he wants, and while he might be prejudiced, he is not racist and DOES NOT hate ALL the elves.

• Dwarves V. Elves

As with the previous heading, I understand they were trying to develop the antagonism between dwarves and elves. And establishing the darker, somewhat self-serving nature of elves by having the Wood-Elves show up right when the dragon takes over the Lonely Mountain and turn around and leave without an explanation was a nice touch. Makes me hope that Thorin goes completely crazy when the Wood-Elf king does the complete opposite for humans once the

(spoiler alert)

The dragon is killed.

(end spoiler)

:P

Emotionally, it evokes sympathy for the Dwarves and prejudice against elves. Practically though, it doesn't make sense that the wealthy Party-King Thranduil would be willing to render military aid (before he knew it was a dragon) but NOT be willing to render assistance to helpless refugees of a allied nation.

• Sauruman the Stick-In-The-Mud

I don't really have a big problem with the whole White Council scene (Except for the fact that its boring and takes away time from Bilbo and the Dwarves that could have been way more entertaining and establish Bilbo's relationship with the elves and contrast it with that of the Dwarves. Which in turn would establish Bilbo as even more of an outsider and out of his element, so much so that he doesn't mind being teased cuz' he knows it's all in good fun. And that the Elves are basically good-natured but except for a few like Lindir. (really deserves it's own bullet point, I guess))

Seriously! I wish the would have shown Saruman as an amiable guy. He's supposed to be someone Gandalf thought he could turn to in a time of need, someone who has all answers. Now they paint him as that bossy guy Gandalf can barely stand to be around. And you (the viewers) are like... “Well of course Saruman turned evil! He's a prick!” 

Take note! Everyone Gandalf tries to help thinks he is a prick! EVERYONE in freaking LAKETOWN thinks Bard is a nay-saying prick RIGHT before they make him their liege-lord.

The “good guys=nice/bad guys=mean” may seem convenient to the narrative of the story but it doesn't ring true...or even work particularly well.

• Mirror Imaging (*Jazz hands*)/Foreshadowing
  
  
  
  
  

It's not that I don't appreciate starting the Hobbit at the beginning of Fellowship of the Ring, it's great to tie them together and there is a pre-exisiting link, as Bilbo is writing down the story in Fellowship of the Ring's Extended Version anyways.

Also

There are some parallels that are organically a part of the Hobbit/Rings franchise. Whether it is “Expected” or “Unexpected”, there is going to be a party in both stories. And, of course, you can't cross middle earth without making a pit-stop in Rivendell. And if you try to cross over (not under) the Misty Mountains there is going to be a storm and your travel plans will be diverted. Eventually eagles fly everyone into the sunset/sunrise but not to the Lonely Mount Doom because even though they're afraid of human shepherds, but not of orc/goblin armies. Nope...

(Ahem...)

However,

Peter Jackson took the visual imagery to the extreme, causing some awkward moments. I'm thinking particularly of when Bilbo puts on the ring the first time. Like in the book, Bilbo is a bit OCD and we see Bilbo running with his hand in his pocket so the ring doesn't fall out.

It would be perfectly natural for him to simply slip on the ring at that point. It would be more secure on his finger, he wouldn't worry about loosing it so much. But, no....

BECUZ we MUST MATCH THE OTHER MOVIE PRECIOusSSSSSSSSS!!!!

• Music

I'm not talking about the songs sung by the dwarves etc. I actually really enjoyed those. I'm talking about the musical score; much of which is re-used from FOTR. I undertand using “The Shire” music, and some of the character themes, what I hate is when they use the exact same music overlay over a completely different moment.

For instance, when Thorin takes on the Azog the Albino Orc they play the same music played in FOTR's Weathertop...you know...when Frodo gets stabbed by the Witch-king and Aragon comes and chases them away.

The same low base beats (goes like this: Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun—Dun dun dun dun dunnnnnnn) Completely different moments! For Thorin, this is a highly-emotional personal battle and for the Hobbit'sin FTOR it's about escaping an eminent threat. It's pretty distracting when the same emotion is being played in the background.

Conclusion:

Ultimately, I think they did exactly what I was afraid they would do with the film: make it so grand and epic you loose sight of the personal journey of Bilbo becoming a better man/Hobbit.

In the book, Bilbo really is helpless: he doesn't even know how to climb a tree, he can't as fast as the dwarves (sometimes they even take turns carrying him) so much so that, when he reveals himself to be capable to great heroism, cunning, (and treachery) it's a huge surprise because no one would have suspected him of it.

Did that stop me from enjoying the film? No. I did enjoy Peter Jackson's version,  I just like mine better.  

Perfect Enough

*(Note: this post refers to an events that actually happened. I have taken care not to mention names.)

When I was still new to the world, I remember having a conversation with God.

It came after my mother had said something about the boys I went to church with being my potential future-husband. It really didn't sit well with me because these guys were unkind to me and I didn't like them very much. 

I had thought long and hard, even at a young age, (because that's what you do when you're a young female mormon) about the kind of man I would marry. And I decided he would have to be different from any boy I had ever yet met.

Then I prayed.

My prayer went like this: “God, these guys really aren't nice to me. I don't like them. And I just want you to know that I'm not going to get married unless it's real and we're in love and he's a really really good guy who's meant for me.”

I remember feeling at peace about the whole situation and I felt like it was God telling me, “That's a good idea! Don't worry, I got it all figured out.”

It kind of came as a shock to me. (“I guess God doesn't want me to marry someone I don't love either.”)

Growing up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are taught about the importance of marriage and family bonds. The common consensus is that if you are “good enough” of a saint, you will be able to marry any other saint who is “good enough” because your relationship will be God-centered. I have heard sentiments such as this reflected in many different situations throughout my church activity.

The idea is that if you love God, you will be able to love everybody...and if you love everybody...you will be able to marry anybody.

I understand where this idea comes from; it's a perversion of church doctrine, with just enough truth in it to fool most church members into accepting at face value.

For years, I believed that if I simply was a “good enough” person I would “fall-in-love-and-get-married” and everything would work out. Then one day, God gave me a better understanding of the humanity.

It happened at a Relief Society Meeting (Which is comprised entirely of women) on a Sunday afternoon.

The teacher was a girl about my age, maybe a few years younger. She was talking about her own difficulties in dating.

She shared some wisdom her father had told her, to illustrate about how conduct influences our perception of a person.

She related what her father had told her about what had attracted him to her mother.

• “Honestly, If I had seen your mother holding a Coke, I probably wouldn't have been interested.”

This was a huge eye-opener. I truly started to worry, because...

Because...

I drink Dr. Pepper.

If a “good enough” Mormon boy won't consider a girl who drinks Coke, what is going to entice him into an amiable and potentially romantic relationship with a Dr. Pepper drinker?

I mean, doesn't the very act of holding a can of a caffeine containing beverage scream “BAD MOTHER, BAD WIFE, BAD ETERNAL COMPANION. DON'T LOOK AT HER, DON'T LOKATHER, DDOOONN'T LOKAAT HER!!!!!!

RRHHHUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” ??????

Then, I started thinking more about my life...and the other things that would make me a bad wife and mother in the eyes of“good enough” Mormon boys:

• What if they find out I want to keep my last name when I marry?

• What if they find out that I want my daughters to inherit their mother's last name?

• What if they find out that when I find a song I like, I listen to the same song, again, and again...until everyone around me is sick of it...and I still like it?

• What if they find out that I want my hypothetical children to be home-schooled also?

• What if they find out that I swear more often then I should?

• What if they find out I like Linkin Park?

• What if, someday, they found out that I actually want to travel to places I've never been before and meet people who are different then me?

• What if they found out that I want my hypothetical husband and hypothetical children to have that experience as well?

• What if they found out about my years of reading and writing crummy fan-fiction?

• What if they find out I played W.o.W?

• What if they found out I believe in Karma?

• What if they found out that I touch people's genitals almost every day work and don't get aroused by it at all?

• What if they find out about a thousand other little things about me and realize that I LIKE myself because of these things?

One thing is for sure, Hypothetical Husband “probably wouldn't be interested” in me if I'm not perfect.

I “probably wouldn't be interested” in a guy like that either!

So, you see, I'm facing a bit of a paradox: I'm not perfect enough to get married to the kind of guy I want to get married to. And even if I was, I probably wouldn't want to marry him.

It was a hard pill to swallow, but I'm glad I know now. I feel wiser. And ready for the rest of my life if celibacy.

Truthfully, I still believe that everything will “Work out”. But for some of us, that won't mean marriage.

I may never have a romance, but I'm blessed with love in my life. I may never have a marriage, but I am blessed with a family. I may never get pregnant or bear children, but I do have children in my life (Special thanks to some of those nine siblings I mentioned earlier;-)). I am blessed to be able to live some of the dreams that God had planted in my heart to perform.

And that's (good) enough. :)

Walking and Writing

Last month I tried to train for a mini-marathon I'm doing a few months from now. Unfortunately Flower the Dog who follows me whenever I go walking or jogging almost got her head ripped off by a group of dogs as a result.

Stupid effing dog! I didn't do a lot of working out after that. I'll have to find a different way to do that...

This month I want do something for writing. Not a lot of writing...maybe just 31 500 word stories...one for each day. I've been thinking about it and I think it's something that will help me do better at writing.

Here is my first little ficlet:

 Dro dropped me off at the hotel told me to wait, he told me he'd be there soon. Liar.

I gave our names at the door and caught the blue eye of a freckle-faced young woman, her face promptly flushed with red and turned away from me. In my own ignorant way, I attributed this to local norms, perhaps they have an aversion to eye contact. It could have been so, I don't know, I'd never been to The Isles before.

I was still wearing the jumpsuit with the logo on it, it surprised me that they even let me in without asking for identification. This should have tipped me off, but I was younger then and I can definitely say this experience taught me a few things.

The staff welcomed in to a “suite” which is kind of like a really nice house that was stacked on top of other houses. It was the most beautiful room I'd ever seen; clean and white, with a fireplace and a balcony with a view of the ocean.

It is also funny, though now in an entirely non-humorous way, I didn't feel tether anymore. No longer did I feel it eating at my back, I thought I was free.

I took of my jacket and noticed something different. It felt different. I removed the upper-half of my jumpsuit and immediately realized why Dro needed to get me new clothes.

Somehow great cuts of meat had attached themselves to my skeleton leaving great ripples on my arms, chest, back, stomach...everywhere. That wasn't the only change, my skin was two shades lighter. My eyes an even shade of brown. I blinked and touched my arm where the bulbus pocket of flesh was. It didn't hurt, but it didn't feel like it was a part of me either. He said I would like it, but I didn't I liked being a tall teenager with extra long limbs, large hands, uneven skin tone. That was a normal body. This body was a freak.

“You.” I said waving a finger at my reflection, as if glare back guiltily. “I hate you.”

My mind started racing, I started doing some ritualistic activity, the type of thing I always used to do at home when situations seemed out of my control. Dro's clothing was organized by color (which was had because almost all of his clothing is brown or gray). My jump-suits were folded neatly, the room was immaculately clean. The only thing dirty was my skin which I realized would probably look even more pale when the layers of dirt were removed.

Dro had some explaining to do when he got back.

It wasn't until I was in the shower that I realized he wasn't coming. It wasn't long after that, that I stopped thinking.

Looking back, I realize I should have thought a little more. I should have wondered why he'd sent me in alone, I shouldn't have assumed he was just parking the car. It should have crossed my mind that he could have sent me in to hurt someone, it was the first time I'd simply done as he told me. My first mistake.

I could feel his thoughts of things so alien I can't explain as we walked down a long hallway and knocked on a door.  

Katniss' Kitty-Mommy

Remember my previous post about pro-life and pro-choice and how it was all about a lack of responsibility in our society?

Well, It turns out I'm just as guilty as everyone else.

 Here I was, preaching about the pros and cons of birth control and how education just wasn't cutting down pregnancy rates, I didn't even notice...

(I close my eyes, shake my head and sigh in severe self loathing and shame)

Katniss...Katniss was pregnant, and pretty far along.

I live in a two-story house. I occupy an upstairs studio and my grandmother uses the first story. When I got her, Katniss was intended to be an indoor cat. I wanted her to stay upstairs in my studio apartment when I'm not home. However, when I am gone Katniss gets lonely and my grandma will let her roam around outside.

At first I would try to explain to my grandmother that Katniss couldn't go galavanting outside because she was not spayed. Grandma would invulnerably say "Oh, yes, we don't want her to get pregnant." And yet, she would persist in the behavior that I EXPLICITLY ASKED HER NOT TO DO!

It got to the point to where I would would be downstairs with Katniss doing laundry or something and GRANDMA goes over and opens the FRONT DOOR! GAAAAHHHH.

What did I do? Did I buy a pen and keep her upstairs all the time? Did I spend the money and effort to take her in to get fixed?

No, I was too busy with school and work. I didn't want to think about it.

Then Katniss is sitting on my lap with this stomach porturding  out of either side. I can feel that it's not normal cat stomach, it's baby-kitties inside her.

Initially I was very, very, extremely reluctant to terminate the pregnancy. Babies aren't supposed to die. They're supposed to grow! I agonized over knowing that I couldn't care for a liter of baby kitties, and that fact...babies...even non-human ones...are NOT supposed to die.

I think my family was ultimately proud of my big girl decision to have her be spayed and the pregnancy ended. Still I am a bit ashamed to say I didn't even do that part myself, except to make an appointment to have my sister take Katniss and Tigerlily (My dad's "Outdoor" cat who also lives in my house) to get spayed.

I think I did the right thing, I know I couldn't have cared for a litter of kitties and I couldn't have found them homes. But the thing that still gets me is that I wasn't a responsible kitty-mommy. Because the REAL "Right Thing" to do was to get her spayed while she was still young. Which I didn't do.

January Sans Soda

Last month I went without soda.

February first I forgot that I could have soda, and still ordered water. I didn't feel like I went without, it was actually really nice. :D

This month I want to do something with walking, which I don't think I'll be able to do every day. But it would be nice to set a goal for miles of walking.

What do you think?

Tumblr Vs Pinterest and Why Bilbo Is AMAZIN'

I spent a month without Pinning. It wasn't that bad because Tumblr was my methodone. No! Pinterest is the Methadone for Tumblr!!!

Way more fun and interactive!

Oh, and Guess WHAHAT?????? I found my Geek Glasses!!

(Note: In honor of the six-movie series, this will be the first in a six-post series dedicated to the awesome that Tolkien made.)

*pushes her Geek Glasses up the brim of her nose*

There, that's much better. Now, where were we? Oh, yes! The Hobbit.

Now, in ebster's dictionary this one is filled under 'H', or 'T'...no?

OK, maybe 'B' No?” Lemme see....

(rummages through a few more pages)

“Oh, yes! Here it is! Under 'A' for 'Amazin'”

On more then one occasion (before "The Hobbit" movie came out) I've gotten into those geeky movie conversations with people who enjoyed the Lord of the Rings movie series. Whenever I would get into these conversations I would invariably ask the golden question: “Are you familiar with The Hobbit?”

More then once the response has been something like, “Oh, I read that one when I was in school." Followed by a dismissive shrug indicating disinterest in the subject.

Whenever this happens, I really can't help but wonder if I'm the same species as these people.

I think of what an impact this story and it's main protagonist, Bilbo Baggins, has had on how I look at life. For me, it's not just a not a story about a Hobbit and a Wizard and a Ring, its a story about a little man with unflinching integrity.

What Bilbo Taught Me:

1) Even when you stand nothing to gain...

 you can show kindness and mercy.


2) Even when it costs you a friendship...

you can life your standards and do the right thing.

and 3) (This one comes later...)
Even if you are never taken seriously, never get married, and are seen as an eccentric kook for the rest of your life...

you can be true to who you are.

You can choose to be the hero, you can choose to do the right thing. You can live the adventure of your life for the rest of your life.

Community Health Nursing and The Sorry State of Society

It's December 31st and I am sitting in Starbucks with my little sister. (She isn't bored yet, I gave her my tablet.)

I spent most of this month researching reproductive health services for the community as a part of a community health nursing class. A lot of it was spent going around to different healthcare centers in my community and asking questions...and then asking citizens about their opinions and analyzing the data and coming up with a plan for correcting a health disparity based on one of the health indicators in the Healthy People 2020 Initiative.

I learned that our community has a lot of excellent resources for economically disadvantaged pregnant women and young mothers, but few resources for family planning and STI prevention.

This project was a lot of fun (and by "fun" I mean "facinating" and "eye opening"). I feel that, in a sense, I've become richer from it. I got to talk to people, and not just in a "survey" way...some of them really opened up, about something that was important to them.

In my final paper, I endorsed the placement of a Planned Parenthood clinic in my community as a key way to reduce the rates of Teen Pregnancy, Chlamydia, Syphilis and Gonorrhea (turns out my county is in the top fifty for the country).

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Mormonhippie, You're Pro-Life. You've never been pregnant, and you practice abstinence. What the frak?"

The reason is:

1) Sexual health is more then having babies or not having babies. I learned that when I had to start taking birth control pills because my periods were irreglar.

2) As a society we are abhorrently polarized by this issue. Conservatives see pro-choicers as selfish and Liberals see pro-lifers as ignorant. NEITHER of those steriotypes are universally true, and I think it's shamefull that we've been so dismissive of an opposing veiwpoint and that we can't find common ground. 

3) I'm fascinated by public health, and I think that by polarizing this issue we hurt people. How do we "make" people take care of their bodies? How do you cause that kind of social change where people THINK about how their behavior effects other people?

I don't think we have all the answers yet, but denying services to men and women in need is the wrong way to go.

In my case I have to look out for myself and do what I know is right before God because by-and-large I may be the only person doing so. 

.....................

NOW!!!! On to something way more fun to discuss!

(The Hobbit, An Unexpected Awesome)

Just give me a chance to find my Geek Glasses, K? BRB

....