Talking Sh*t

I don't listen to talk radio a lot anymore. (I have the internet :P). But for some reason its illegal to browse and drive. So when I can't bear to listen to the Hot Chelle Rae CD I've had in my player for over a year, and there's static on Air1, I break down and turn to KFI.

This morning on my drive home from work, I turned on the radio and listened to Phil Handel.

He was talking about this

As side from being really sad to listen to, it also annoyed me, especially because Handel and Co. specialize in irreverence and sarcasm. To my "I've not listened to talk radio in a while" ears, it sounded a bit like what I would imagine an internet message board would sound like if you could hear the trolls' voices. (Not that that is an inherently bad thing, obviously it holds my attention enough to keep me awake on my way home).

But later in the day I got in the car again and this time the afternoon hosts John and Ken were talking about yet another story of a young person shooting people because he was mad.

I found their account of this story similarly distasteful. The sensationalist and defeatist attitude with which these guys discuss mass murder is really starting to bug me. Its pretty much taken for granite that this behavior is 'just a part of human nature' and 'nothing we do will change it'.

One of the two hosts even made the analogy between these incidences and reality TV stardom: The perpetrators want to show everyone what they're going through; they want to be famous for it. (I don't watch reality-TV except for the ones where they fix a house, make a wedding dress, take care of farm animals...so I'm not quite familiar with that concept.)

I don't think it's wrong to report this kind of stuff but what gets me is that these people...by their own admission...are encouraging a sociopathic mentality (that they themselves have actually IDENTIFIED!) through their manner of "reporting".  If indeed these evil people are doing this to get attention, WHY THE HECK ARE WE GIVING IT TO THEM???!?!??!?!

We may indeed be doomed to live in a world where bad things happen, but we are spiritually damned if we glorify that kind of evil.

When I was in Australia (Yes I'm about to become one of those "When I was on my mission/foreign exchange/australian adventure" type of people) I got to plan the part of the trip when we visited Tasmania. 

One of the places I was very interested to see was Port Arthur.

Port Arthur is a historical prison in Tasmania. You can read a bit about my visit there here.

One thing I didn't share in that post is what I learned (and didn't learn) about an incident that occurred there in 1994 that resulted in the deaths of 35 people.

I researched the historical site where this took place (On wikipedia, the port arthur website, multiple tourism sites, magazine articles, a guidebook etc).

 I thought it was interesting that  they said things like 'If you visit Port Arthur or the neighboring community please be respectful and don't ask the resident's about it unless they offer to tell you' but it wasn't until I visited the memorial site that Red pointed out how low-key everyone was being about it. It was respected, not sensationalized. Even though we'd read and heard about this incident from multiple sources and even though we were STANDING IN THE EXACT SPOT where it took place, we'd come across no references to the identity of the shooter or his/her motivation for the shooting, or his/her ultimate fate.

Even though there is a difference between breaking news (like what you'd hear on the news talk) and something-that-happened-twenty-years-ago, I can't help but wonder what it would be like if people like Timothy McVeigh and the Boston Marathon Bombers didn't get glamorized for the evil things they did. If they just disappeared an no one talked about their court-date or their court-sentence, their repeals or execution date. 

Would people who are psychologically disturbed be as tempted to follow in their footsteps if the ego gratification wasn't there? 

I can't say I think I'll ever find out the answer to that, as a society we love our celebrities (even/especially the bad ones).

There's a quote I read a while back, at the time I thought it was really cheesy and stupid because it uses turd-words one to many times, but it it keeps coming to mind:

"It's a shitty world and shit happens, but we don't have to bathe in shit."

As of today, I still don't know who was behind the shooting at Port Arthur or what the person's motivation was. Maybe someday curiosity will bite me and I'll look it up, but for now its kind of nice to know that I don't have to/need to know. There's a difference between living a sheltered lifestyle and avoiding stepping in shit.

Perfect Enough

*(Note: this post refers to an events that actually happened. I have taken care not to mention names.)

When I was still new to the world, I remember having a conversation with God.

It came after my mother had said something about the boys I went to church with being my potential future-husband. It really didn't sit well with me because these guys were unkind to me and I didn't like them very much. 

I had thought long and hard, even at a young age, (because that's what you do when you're a young female mormon) about the kind of man I would marry. And I decided he would have to be different from any boy I had ever yet met.

Then I prayed.

My prayer went like this: “God, these guys really aren't nice to me. I don't like them. And I just want you to know that I'm not going to get married unless it's real and we're in love and he's a really really good guy who's meant for me.”

I remember feeling at peace about the whole situation and I felt like it was God telling me, “That's a good idea! Don't worry, I got it all figured out.”

It kind of came as a shock to me. (“I guess God doesn't want me to marry someone I don't love either.”)

Growing up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are taught about the importance of marriage and family bonds. The common consensus is that if you are “good enough” of a saint, you will be able to marry any other saint who is “good enough” because your relationship will be God-centered. I have heard sentiments such as this reflected in many different situations throughout my church activity.

The idea is that if you love God, you will be able to love everybody...and if you love everybody...you will be able to marry anybody.

I understand where this idea comes from; it's a perversion of church doctrine, with just enough truth in it to fool most church members into accepting at face value.

For years, I believed that if I simply was a “good enough” person I would “fall-in-love-and-get-married” and everything would work out. Then one day, God gave me a better understanding of the humanity.

It happened at a Relief Society Meeting (Which is comprised entirely of women) on a Sunday afternoon.

The teacher was a girl about my age, maybe a few years younger. She was talking about her own difficulties in dating.

She shared some wisdom her father had told her, to illustrate about how conduct influences our perception of a person.

She related what her father had told her about what had attracted him to her mother.

• “Honestly, If I had seen your mother holding a Coke, I probably wouldn't have been interested.”

This was a huge eye-opener. I truly started to worry, because...

Because...

I drink Dr. Pepper.

If a “good enough” Mormon boy won't consider a girl who drinks Coke, what is going to entice him into an amiable and potentially romantic relationship with a Dr. Pepper drinker?

I mean, doesn't the very act of holding a can of a caffeine containing beverage scream “BAD MOTHER, BAD WIFE, BAD ETERNAL COMPANION. DON'T LOOK AT HER, DON'T LOKATHER, DDOOONN'T LOKAAT HER!!!!!!

RRHHHUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” ??????

Then, I started thinking more about my life...and the other things that would make me a bad wife and mother in the eyes of“good enough” Mormon boys:

• What if they find out I want to keep my last name when I marry?

• What if they find out that I want my daughters to inherit their mother's last name?

• What if they find out that when I find a song I like, I listen to the same song, again, and again...until everyone around me is sick of it...and I still like it?

• What if they find out that I want my hypothetical children to be home-schooled also?

• What if they find out that I swear more often then I should?

• What if they find out I like Linkin Park?

• What if, someday, they found out that I actually want to travel to places I've never been before and meet people who are different then me?

• What if they found out that I want my hypothetical husband and hypothetical children to have that experience as well?

• What if they found out about my years of reading and writing crummy fan-fiction?

• What if they find out I played W.o.W?

• What if they found out I believe in Karma?

• What if they found out that I touch people's genitals almost every day work and don't get aroused by it at all?

• What if they find out about a thousand other little things about me and realize that I LIKE myself because of these things?

One thing is for sure, Hypothetical Husband “probably wouldn't be interested” in me if I'm not perfect.

I “probably wouldn't be interested” in a guy like that either!

So, you see, I'm facing a bit of a paradox: I'm not perfect enough to get married to the kind of guy I want to get married to. And even if I was, I probably wouldn't want to marry him.

It was a hard pill to swallow, but I'm glad I know now. I feel wiser. And ready for the rest of my life if celibacy.

Truthfully, I still believe that everything will “Work out”. But for some of us, that won't mean marriage.

I may never have a romance, but I'm blessed with love in my life. I may never have a marriage, but I am blessed with a family. I may never get pregnant or bear children, but I do have children in my life (Special thanks to some of those nine siblings I mentioned earlier;-)). I am blessed to be able to live some of the dreams that God had planted in my heart to perform.

And that's (good) enough. :)

Tumblr Vs Pinterest and Why Bilbo Is AMAZIN'

I spent a month without Pinning. It wasn't that bad because Tumblr was my methodone. No! Pinterest is the Methadone for Tumblr!!!

Way more fun and interactive!

Oh, and Guess WHAHAT?????? I found my Geek Glasses!!

(Note: In honor of the six-movie series, this will be the first in a six-post series dedicated to the awesome that Tolkien made.)

*pushes her Geek Glasses up the brim of her nose*

There, that's much better. Now, where were we? Oh, yes! The Hobbit.

Now, in ebster's dictionary this one is filled under 'H', or 'T'...no?

OK, maybe 'B' No?” Lemme see....

(rummages through a few more pages)

“Oh, yes! Here it is! Under 'A' for 'Amazin'”

On more then one occasion (before "The Hobbit" movie came out) I've gotten into those geeky movie conversations with people who enjoyed the Lord of the Rings movie series. Whenever I would get into these conversations I would invariably ask the golden question: “Are you familiar with The Hobbit?”

More then once the response has been something like, “Oh, I read that one when I was in school." Followed by a dismissive shrug indicating disinterest in the subject.

Whenever this happens, I really can't help but wonder if I'm the same species as these people.

I think of what an impact this story and it's main protagonist, Bilbo Baggins, has had on how I look at life. For me, it's not just a not a story about a Hobbit and a Wizard and a Ring, its a story about a little man with unflinching integrity.

What Bilbo Taught Me:

1) Even when you stand nothing to gain...

 you can show kindness and mercy.


2) Even when it costs you a friendship...

you can life your standards and do the right thing.

and 3) (This one comes later...)
Even if you are never taken seriously, never get married, and are seen as an eccentric kook for the rest of your life...

you can be true to who you are.

You can choose to be the hero, you can choose to do the right thing. You can live the adventure of your life for the rest of your life.

NANO thoughts

I'm taking part in National Novel Writting Month and I find myself falling into the same trap I did last year...

I came up with a story and a character that I really like then in the course of the month I invent another character who is so zany and outragious I want two write that character instead!

Last year my story was a sci-fi mystery/thriller about a girl named Rebecca Wong and how the Lizard People are out to get her. I invented a character named Alejandro Sanchez to be the main villian/lizard person and he was just such a two-faced diabolical character I suddenly found I wanted to write the story from his perspective so I could show how he really gets what's comming to him.

Fortunately I was able to resist and the book is still about Rebecca. This year however, I started telling an Alejandro story and the same thing happened. A while ago I wrote a poem about about and person named "Morbid Thotts" (I am so creative with character names! Jk) And while the poem is nothing special, I came to really love this almost comically negative character.

It was really cool to come up with a backstory for this character and explain why he is the way he is. I actually almost cried when I wrote one part of it.

This fake person is such a gem! I know I can't keep this character as negative as he is forever so I wrote him as a love-interest for Garnet!

(Spoilers: Yes she does actually die in last years book, but don't worry she's a Lizard person so it will all work out) Yay for odd couples!