My PALS 2018

This post is basically gonna by my notes after reading the pediatric advanced life support, because I'm going in for the update tomorrow and I'm really nervous. Even though I don't really think I'll fail it or anything, it's not material I review a lot. So I've been going over it casually over the past two weeks and I did the little test on line I'm supposed to do. And I'm realizing what a crapload of information it covers, and definitely has me on my toes.

Comparatively, I'd say, Adult cardiac life support and neonatal resuscitation are a bit more straightforward in strategy: you kind of just follow the flow sheet and it tells you exactly what to do. There's a lot more to consider in the pediatric population. For one thing there's the age and size variations: some kids will need to be treated more like neonates, and others will need to be treated more like adults.

There are also medical problems that are a lot more common in the pediatric population than in other populations. For instance: if you find an unresponsive kid out of the blue, you operate under the assumption that what's causing the kid to be unresponsive is respiratory in nature. This is the total opposite of what you do in an adult cardiac arrest, because most kids don't suffer from heart disease. So unless you know the kid has some sort of congenital cardiac condition, or is being hospitalized for sepsis or something, you begin with respiration and you can call out for help but you don't want to leave the patient's side until you've done 5 cycles of CPR. If it hasn't been too long since the collapse, and the problem is respiratory in origin, ventilation support may even be sufficient, so we wanna try that first.

They also go into a lot more detail about specific respiratory problems, and the different types of shock, and none of the medications are, like, a standard dose...they're all based on the patient's weight. So you have to calculate pretty much every dose before you give it.

It's a LOT to remember, and it's so friggin deceptive because the PALS book is, like, the smallest of the AHA books that I've read.

Anyway...I'm just gonna go over my notes one more time. Please forgive the typos and misspellings, but if I'm wrong about instructions or dosages you should comment and let me know.

PALS BLS

CPR with AED and 1 or 2 rescuers:

1) Ensure scene safety
2) check for response, send someone to call 911/get AED
3a) for sudden witnessed collapse and single rescuer: call 911 and get AED
3b) for unwittnessed collapse and single rescuer: activate after performing 5 cycles of CPR
4) Open airway (head-tilt-chin-lift or jaw thrust if suspected neck injury), and check breathing for less than 10 seconds
5) Give 2 breaths that cause the chest to rise and last over 1 second each.
6) check pulse for less than 10 seconds Brachial in infants carotid in kids.
7a) if pulse felt provide rescue breaths at 1 breath Q3 seconds (unless for some reason the patient has an advanced airway, then you'll wanna give them at 10-12 times per minute, which ends up being about once every 6 seconds)
7b) if pulse not felt, begin compressions at a rate of 100-120 per minute, compress to a deapth of 1/3-1/2 and allow to recoil. If there is one rescuer 30 compressions: 2 breaths, use two finger technique for infants or 1-2 hands for older kids.
If there are two rescuers 15 compressions: 2 breaths, use hands encircling technique for infants or 1-2 hands for older kids.
8) If not already done after five cycles/single rescuer: call 911/get AED
9a) If patient is <1 acls="" continue="" cpr="" move="" old="" or="" over="" p="" responders="" starts="" take="" to="" until="" victim="" year="">9b) if patient >1 year old use AED /defibrillator after 5 cycles.
10) Check rhythm if patient > 1 year old.
11) if Rhythm is shockable: give 1 shock and resume CPR x 5 cycles
12) if rhythm is not shockable: resume CPR x5 cycles and recheck rhythm until ACLS providers take over or victim starts to move.



ACLS/PALS providers will need to perform several assessments very quickly:

1) General Assessment:

 Visual and auditory, taking in patient's appearance and work of breathing as well as how well blood circulation seems to be working. This one is very quick and probably the most simple.

2) Primary assessment:

 A rapid hands on ABCDE, cardiopulmonary and neurologial function assessment
A=airway patency.
Positioning, suctioning, airway adjuncts (nasal airway or one of those things to keep the tongue out of the throat) or intubation.

B=breathing
Rate and effort, tidal volume, airway/lung sounds, pulse ox etc.

C=circulation (both cardiac & end organ)
Skin color, temp, HR, Rhythm, pulses (peripheral and central), capilary refill time, BP and pulse pressure, mental status, skin perfusion, renal output.

D=disability
AVPU pediatric response, glascow coma scale, response to voice/touch/pain, pupil response

E=Exposure
remove clothing and examine s/s hypothermia, burns etc. check temp

3) Secondary assessement

identify S/S, allergies, medications, past medical history, last meal, events leading to presentation.  This usually involves asking a lot of questions for the parents if they are present.

4) Tertiary Assessment:

Laboratory tests, radiography tests, and other advance tests that take a lot of time to do so order them stat

Cardiac Arrest Algorithm

If the patient is having cardiac arrest, regardless of whatever else might be going on, you definately will want to treat that fast. I'm not saying if, say, the caradiac arrest is being caused by sepsis that you won't want to treat that too. You'll need a lot of people to kinda do both at the same time. But we're just gonna talk about the cardiac arrest right now.


You'll wanna start with BLS, attach oxygen to the thing giving respiratory support, but once you get the equiptment put on all the electrodes and the defibrilation pads and do a rhythm check.

1) if the rhythim is shockable (VF/VT): give 1 shock manually at 2 J/KG or AED if  patient is > 1 year old. Use a pediatric system for 1-8 years old. then restart CPR x5 cycles and give epinephrine 0.01mg/KG IV/IO or 0.1mg/kg ET and repeat this dose every 3-5 minutes.

 Recheck Rhythim after the five cycles and if it is still shockable give another shock, but this time at 4J/kg, or AED for 1-8 Y/O, and resume CPR x5 cycles.You will probably give epinephrine again about this time.

At the next rhythm check, if it is still shock-able deliver 4J/kg or pediatric AED and also consider amiodarone 5mg/kg IV/IO or lidocane 1mg/kg IV/IO.
Consider magnesium 25-50mg/kg IV/IO max 2grams for torsades de pointes.
After 5 more cycles do another rhythm check and continue defibrillation with the 4J/kg if indicated.



2) if at any point the rhythim is not shockable (asystole/PEA): Resume CPR x5 cycles, give epinephrine 0.01mg/kg IV or IO or 0.1mg/kg ET. Repeat Q3-5 minutes. and Recheck rhythm after the five cycles. If rhythm is now shock-able: start with the 2J/kg dose.

You will also want to consider the Hs and Ts while you're doing all of this (which I did a whole other series of posts about a few years ago)

Bradycardia (with cardiovascular compromise) Algorithm

1 Support ABCs-give O2, attach monitor/defib. and get 12 lead EKG
2a) if compromise resolved, continue to support Airway, Breathing, Circulation and consider expert consultation
2b) if symptoms persistent and HR <60 cpr="" p="" start="">
3) give epinephrine 0.01mg/kg iv or 0.1mg/kg et. if elvated vagale tone or primary AV block is noted give atropine 0.02mg/kg, may repeat to max dose 1mg.

 Tachycardia with pulsses and poor perfusion

1) 12 lead EKG
2a) If narrow QRS (<0 .08="" a="" and="" causes.="" constant="" correlate="" for="" history="" in="" infants="" interval="" is="" normal="" p="" pr="" present="" probable="" r-r="" search="" sec="" sinus="" st="" tacycardia="" treat="" usually="" variable="" waves="" with="">220, and in children it's >180.
2b)  If narrow QRS and probable SVT (correlate history: vague nonsepcific h/o abrupt heart rate changes, P waves present/abnormal, HR not variable) consider vagal manuver. if ineffective establish IV access and give adenosine 0.1mg/kg to a max of 6 mg rapid IVP, may administer a second time with twice the amount of drug dose (max 12mg).
If ineffective, perform syncronized cardioversion at 0.5J/kg. if not effective may increase to 2J/kg please sedate pateint if possible but dont delay cardioversion.

Obtain expert consultation and administer amiodarine 5mg/kg IV over 20-60 minutes or procainamide 15mg/kg over 30-60 minute BUT DO NOT ADMINISTER THEM TOGETHER....

Respiratory Emergencies

There's no real algorithm for this one. Differental treatment is based on how bad the symptoms are and whether you determine its an upper airway, lower airway, lung tissue, or disordered control of breathing problem.

People with breathing problems are generally anxious in the early stages and lethargic in the later stages, tachycardia is an early symptom but it progresses to bradycardia as breathing function deteriorates. Infants and young kids may often have a distinctive head-bobbing or seasawing breathing pattern in the abdomen.

Upper airway problems often present with inspiratory stridor, a seal like cough, and hoarse breathing.
(ex: croup- give nebulized epinephrine and corticosteroids, anaphylaxis-give IM epinephrine, albuterol 0.5mg/kg/hr with a max of 20mg/hr, antihstamine benadryl 1-2 mg/kg iv Q4-6 hours, Corticosteroid Dexamethasone 0.6mg/g IM/IV max 16.

Lower airway problems often present with expiratory wheezing, prolnged expiratory phase breathing (ex: aspiration-position to comfort and specialty consult. Bronchoiolitis-nasal suction and brinchodilator trial. Asthma-albuterol with or without ipratropium, corticosteroid, SQ epinephrine, mag sulfate, terbuttaline.)

Lung tissue/parnecymal problems often present with Grunting, crackles, and diminished breath sounds (ex; pneumonia/pneumonitis-albuterol 0.5mg/kg/hr with a max of 20 hr. and start ABT. Pulmonary edema-ventilatory support with PEEP vasoactive support, diuretic lasix 1mg/kg max 20)

Disordered control of breathing presents with normal lung sounds but a disordered breathing pattern.
 (ex: incresed inacranial pressure, avoid hypozimia, hypercarbia, hyperthermia...which makes it really hard to do things like provide ventilatory support...basically this person needs an ET tube and if possible and ICP line. Poison-antidote/poison control. neuromuscular disease-ventilation support.

 PALS Septic Shock Algorithm

 1) Recognize ALOC and decreased perfusion-give o2 and support venntlation, start IV, begin advanced life support if needed.
2) consider VBG and ABG, lactate, glucose, ionized calcium, BC, CBC.
3) Within the first our Bolus 20ml/kg NS or LR (probably more than 1 bolus will be needed, if the patient has an underlying cardiac problem or if cardiogenic shock is suspected give 5-10ml/kg), correct hypoglycemia with D25W 2-4ml/kg or D10W 5-10mlg/kg (0.5-1g/kg) DO NOT GIVE GLUCOSE FLUID TO CORRECT HYPOVOLEMIA, correct hypocalcemia 20ml/kg slow IVP calcium chloride 10%, give first dose ABT and consider vasopressors and hydrocortisone

4) monitor response:

 a) if symptoms resolve-consider transfer to IC
 b) if no change or worstening begin vasoactive therapy, iv/arterial access

•   if BP nrmal give dopamine 2-20ug/kg/min
• if hypotensive/warm shock-give norepinephrine 0.1-1ug/kg/min
• if hypotensive/cold shock-give epinephrine 0.1-1ug/kg/min

Cold shock refers to vasoconstriction peripherally, warm shock refers to dilation of the blood vessels.

You will want to evaluate SCVo2:

if it is > 70% with low BP/Warm shock -NS at 20ml/kg, norepinephrine with or without vasopressin

if SCVo2 is < 70 with normal PB but poor perfusion: PRBC to HGB>10g/dl, NS or LR at 20ml/kg optimize arterial O2, consider milrione 50-75ug/kg over 10-60minutes, consider nitroprusside 1-8 ug/kg/min, consider dobutamine 2-20ug/kg/min,

if SCVo2 <70 and="" blood="" cold="" hgb="" low="" perfusion="" poor="" prbc="" pressure="" shock:="" to="" until="" with="">10g/dl, optimize SPO2, NS or LR at 20ml/kg, epinephrine 0.1-1ug/kg, or dobutamine and norepinpeprhine

Consider hydrocortisone approx 2mg/kg max 100mg if adrenal insufficiency is suspected (due to all the stimulants we've been giving)

Saidin and Saidar: An Overview of Gender Division in Robert Jordan's "The Eye of The World"

One of the most interesting aspects of Robert Jordan's "The Wheel of Time" is his depiction of the balance of power between the sexes, both in interpersonal relationships and society at large. I don't think I've ever read a story that handles this topic quite the way this series does; and I really appreciate the the level of thought and consideration that must have gone into it. It really made me consider femininity and masculinity as concepts in a way I hadn't before.

I kind of have the feeling that a lot of people today might take issue with this series because the story itself, even down to the worldbuilding, does convey a very strong distinction between a masculine identity and a feminine identity. But I think it's something you could learn from even if you feel like it doesn't capture the entire spectrum of gender identity.

The story starts out in this small town called Emond's Field, which is run by two governing branches: The Town Council (comprised of men) and The Women's Circle (made up of...ya know...). Even though it seems a bit like these two groups kinda bicker and don't always see eye to eye, you get the sense that they're keeping each other accountable. Like there is tension, but it's the kind of tension that is supposed to be there in a balanced society so that everyone is represented fairly.

Anyway...

In the story, the people of Emond's Field are about to celebrate their annual spring festival: Bel Tine (Which is Medieval Fun-Time Land's version of the Celtic festival Beltine...May Day...which commemorates the mystical union between the male and female aspects of divinity. They never go into this in the story, but it stuck out to me as pretty significant symbolism...) 

So far, everything seems fairly balanced between men and women...

Then Moraine comes into town:

(With her beefy bodyguard/personal assistant, Lan, in tow.)

Moraine is a member of an order of very powerful female magicians who are generally distrusted by rural folk due to their penchant for enchanting men and taking them as their Warders (personal assistant/bodyguards). 

Men are apparently defenseless toward these magic users, because 1) most men a can't use magic and 2) Men who can use magic are "tainted" or corrupted in some horrible way, causing them to be systematically hunted down and imprisoned by those in power. Eventually they have their power (along with their will to live) severed from them and most of them end up committing suicide. 

(Interestingly, this is not presented as oppression

 but as an unfortunate necessity.) 

So slowly we start to gather that life out there in the wide world is not nearly as balanced as it would at first appear to be. Generally speaking, the balance of power in the world at large is slanted to favor women. (Now, this is not unanimously the case... The world is a pretty big place and every country and culture kind of deals with the situation a bit differently, but in general this holds true.) The country Emond's Field is nominally a part of is lead by a matriarchy: Women are Queens, men are their consorts. This is the way the world works, and it's the way the world is meant to work, and the main characters, 3/5 of whom are male, do not question any of this.

Not surprisingly, the Bel Tine celebrations are disrupted and order within the community devolves into chaos when they are attacked by the NOT ORCS. And it emerges that the male 3/5ths of the POV characters are magic-destiny boys who are fated to change the world in some significant way. And so the Emond's Field boys (Rand, Mat and Perrin) are ushered off on to their adventure.

I think it's interesting that the female Emond's Fielders are actually the ones who are who are given agency in this scenario: Nynaeve and Egwene (the female 2/5ths of the MC's) go along on the adventure of their own free will (out of a moral imperative and as an opportunist, respectively), while the Male MC's are forced into it.

I don't think it would be quite fair to think of Rand, Mat, and Perrin as passive figures, but they are being manipulated by forces outside of their understanding and control. This, compounded by their "Special" status, kinda makes them seem a bit like an inverted princess archetype with Nynaeve and Egwene as the traditional adventurers. 

Towards the end of their adventure in this book, Rand meets a NOT ENT called "The Green Man". who's this kind of male nature-guardian, holding the last bit of uncorrupted Saidin (male-magic), which Rand gets to experience before it is extinguished. 

Overall I think it's a really clever inversion of gender inequality as we normally think of it. You get to see this kind of benevolent sexism, and the rationalization for it, as well as an inkling of what a genuinely feminist culture might look like in Andor. The exploration continues in the subsequent books where we see a fuller exploration of female hierarchy, female leadership, as well as the power of a well-balanced relationship.

Year of Epic Fantasy Reading 2017: Day 31 (The Children of Hurin)

Title: The Children of Hurin
Author: John Ronald Reuel Tolkien
Themes: Humanity
Quotes: "Others of the House of Hador bear themselves otherwise, and Tuor among them. For they use courtesy, and they listen to good counsel, holding the Lords of the West in awe. But you, it seems, will take council with your own wisdom..."
Reading/Listening Time: 7 hours, 51 minutes

Review:

This one is a little bit cheating, because I had read this one back in 2009, but I decided to listen to it in 2017 because I found out Christopher Lee performed for the audiobook.

For this review I want to focus on the particular things that stood out to me on this second reading. If you're only familiar with Tolkien's work through "The Lord of The Rings", or even "The Hobbit", this book may take you by surprise. It's written in a similar narrative style to LOTR, but it's a tragedy rather than a heroic tale. (If LOTR is about persevering through adversity with hope, this book is about persevering through adversity when there is no hope.)

We as the readers watch everything that could possibly go wrong, go wrong for our protagonists. Yes, it is a bit of a downer, and I can understand why it might not resonate with most people the way Mr Tolkien's more traditionally heroic offerings do.

However, for me this story is extraordinarily meaningful in the way it explores human nature: thematically, it's willing to go places "The Lord of the Rings" isn't willing to go and because of that it can say things that LOTR couldn't.

(I also think it adds a lot to the whole mythology and background of Middle Earth as a fantasy setting without reading like a D&D guidebook.)

What stood out to me most on my second reading was how the main character's journey was kind of an affirmation of the human identity. In the story, Turin and Nienor have a choice: They can stay with the elves and be safe, or they can venture out into the world and face life on their own terms.

If you're a fan of Tolkien, this story shows us a significant turning point in Middle Earth history. Humans are still a pretty new race in the world and a lot of them like to see themselves as a shorter-lived, weaker versions of what Elves are. Through the course of the story we ultimately see the two kindred races diverge into culturally distinct, separate societies with very different interests and outlooks on life.



Just as a WARNING rest of this post is going to have significant PLOT SPOILERS




What kicks it off is this monumental change is this horrific military defeat: There's this big-bad guy, decides to go to war against an Elvish city (yes, elves had cities back then). The Elves call for help, and their human neighbors take up the call. One of these guys is named Hurin, he's a chief and he leaves behind his pregnant wife and two children. They're the focus of the story because, of course, Hurin's army (along with everyone else...elf and human...who goes to fight) gets decimated.

Oddly enough, Hurin is captured alive. Even though he won, the big-bad guy is so epically pissed at Hurin for helping the elves and making his job harder, that he decides to keep him alive and perform a uniquely cruel form of psychological torture:

The big-bad guy is going to curse Hurin's family, and have Hurin watch how the rest of their lives play out with absolutely no chance of escaping or helping them an any way.

From here the perspective shifts to Hurin's family, but we know Hurin is watching the story unfold alongside us (the reader).

Back at Hurin's village, another chieftain comes into his village and ransacks everything, and abuses his family. Hurin's three-year-old daughter dies of illness, and his son is sent off to live with Elves so the new guy in charge won't kill him. Then the new baby is born, and she looks ridiculously like the father she'll never meet.

Hurin's son is somewhat protected from misfortune while he is with the elves, but presumably Hurin is still watching him being raised by well meaning but emotionally distant elves. Turin does make one elvish friend, but she kind of lives on the fringe of society.

Right away, we notice a big disconnect in the way the Elves and the Humans have handled this loss:

• The elves suffer a major defeat. The bad guy won, so they decide to stop fighting and live in secret.

• As a society humans can't really do that, so they have to live under a new regime. 

Hurin's son (Turin) starts to grow up and he starts getting ticked that the elves aren't planning on fighting the big-bad guy who ruined their lives. We start to see how the races different ways of dealing with loss can cause conflict:

• Turin believes that you should try to make a difference in the world. That your life should ultimately mean something; that he (Turin) should try to make a difference-even if he ultimately fails.

• The Elves think this is stupid; they'd much rather enjoy immortality than glory.

(^^which is interesting to me because clearly if Turin stayed with them he'd have neither of those things)

Ultimately these two approaches to life aren't compatible. Even after he's come to respect their point of view a bit, he decides that he can't follow their mores. Even after he leaves and whole bunch of horrible stuff starts happening to him, he isn't really tempted to go back.

On my first reading, I kinda thought the point of the story was that Turin should have tried to live more like an elf. (This really fits because Professor Tolkien was really Pro-Elf, like, in LOTR he'll just stop the whole narrative to fanboy about how awesome they are...). There's no doubt in this story that if Turin had stayed safely in obscurity he would have avoided a lot of the horrible stuff that happened to him later on.

On my second reading, I think I have a different impression of what this story is trying to do. Tolkien may be a Elf-fanboy, but this story is  trying to demonstrate more than it's trying preach. It's not about elves, it's about how humans are NOT...and shouldn't be...like elves:

Turin has not one but TWO female elves who fall in love with him, but he can't reciprocate those feelings romantically because he's looking for something that they don't have. At one point there's this evil dragon who manipulates Turin into choose between helping his elvish friends or his human family, it's presented as a gut-wrenching choice but ultimately he chooses his family. Both of these choices are ultimately used against Turin as part of the curse, but on this reading I can't think of them as inherently wrong decisions in context of the larger narrative in Middle Earth.

 For both Turin and his sister Nienor, the elvish sanctuary is a nice place to visit but a horrible place to call home. A static paradise is not a paradise for humans because humans are made for change: to fight or fail, to challenge and redefine the perimeters of their world. 

So whether or not living life their own terms was "worth it" for Turin and Nienor personally, their attempts to do so become cemented into the collective human (and hobbit) identity.

In later ages of Tolkien Legendarium, we see the elves continue to disengage and withdraw into their comfort zone. (Which I guess is perfectly appropriate when you'll live forever and you don't reproduce very fast.) We also see humans/hobbits become more proactive force in the world. That's the real legacy of Turin and Nienor...

Rating: 4/5 Stars


End notes:

Thank you to anyone who's been reading these and sharing my journey. Again, it's kind of a solitary exercise (as much as I try to make it more social on goodreads).

I just carry these things inside me, and it's nice to write these little reviews/commentaries like going to visit a friend (and also...like saying goodbye a bit).

Since my Grandma Peggy died, I've had a really hard time with reading. I was ravenous, and now it's kinda painful because it was G.P who really got me into and encouraged my love of reading. (even though, strangely, we didn't read many of the same things! She loved romances and mysteries! I'm more into classics.)

• My goal in 2018 is 10 bilingual books.

• A few other fantasy books that I would definitely recommend:

-Sabriel by Garth Nix

-Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman

-Jim Henson's Labyrinth by A.C.H Smith

and 

-The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle

• Also if you have a favorite book in the fantasy genre I'd love to hear about it, feel free to leave a comment :)

Year of Epic Fantasy Reading: Day 30 (Fireblood)

Title: Fireblood
Author: Jeff Wheeler
Themes: Trust
Quotes: "Strange how people yearn to become holy only after years of depravity.” She smiled knowingly. “Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.”
Reading/Listening Time: 12 hours, 25 minutes

Review:

This was another book that I felt was pretty exciting.  It starts out with this team of wizards from Mirrowen's CDC and they're on a mission to stop this horrible plague. And they end up getting completely massacred. Only two people survive.

And then it skips to, like, 20 years later. It ends up being like you're kind of following two stories: the present timeline, and what's happened in the past 20 years to the survivors of that "CDC" team.

It's interesting because it sets up this sense of uncertainty and you're not really sure who should trust who. The main character is inclined to be obliging, and as a reader you're kinda wondering whether or not he should be like that... Like, "Maybe he's being too naive...but also there could be a really good reason why he can't know certain things yet???"

It ends up being a bit of both, I particularly loved the twist with SPOILER ALERT the sister who acted all nice, but ended up trying to use him for stuff END SPOILER

My favorite character was Paedrin. He's, like, this monk-knight helping the main character. His perspective on the world was a pretty neat contrast to the other characters, plus I thought he was pretty funny.


Rating: 4/5 Stars.


Note:

I was really excited, after I finished this one, and started it's sequel right away.

I didn't finish it, and I thought it was a lot less exciting because it introduced this really boring new character who I didn't care about. If this weren't a sequel, I could understand playing up the mystery some more, but when you're hitting literally every. single. mystery. that we've already figured out from the first book, like you expect us to be surprised all over again, I call bull.

Year of Epic Fantasy Reading 2017: Day 29 (The Golden Compass)

Title: The Golden Compass
Author: Philip Pullman
Themes: Moral development
Quotes: "And though she understood nothing, she was intrigued and delighted by the complexity and the detail."
Reading/Listening Time: 13 hrs and 7 mins (but I listened to it on 1.5x speed because it was a little boring)

Review:

For a long time I didn't want to read this book because I'd read some articles by the author and it really seemed like we didn't seem eye to eye on a couple of subjects, but that really didn't become an issue in this book. I mean, I can see how this can vaguely be construed as a reconstruction/criticism of The Chronicles of Narnia (Lyra vs Lucy, beauty in the natural world vs beauty in the "other" world) but, in this particular book, God is just a curse word. The author is dealing with some very specific religious dogma, and how dangerous it can be when it's taken to extremes.

It's about a girl named Lyra who grows up at a college in England with a bunch of old professors and her "Uncle" who's kind of a douche bag. There's some intrigue because her uncle is involved in this research and they made a discovery about wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey, and also original sin...and then everyone from the college to the church tries to kill him...

SPOILER ALERT Lyra saves him from being assassinated and he doesn't even friggin care. Like WTH ASSriel?! END SPOILER

My biggest problem with this book was the characters. It was really hard to be invested in them when the adults are friggin cardboard and Lyra goes from like a 7 year old kid mentality to being, like, 11...to suddenly having the reasoning skills of an adult depending on what the writer wants from her at that moment.

The magic system was a little better: everything vaguely magical is described like it's a natural extension of reality, which was actually pretty cool. Unfortunately, it also kinda makes it feel like it exists mostly for aesthetics. I suppose that can be the point: that things just are and they don't have to have to serve a greater purpose, but it didn't make them particularly memorable for me.


Rating 2/5 Stars.

Year of Epic Fantasy Reading 2017: Day 28 (Wizard's First Rule)

Title: Wizard's First Rule
Author: Terry Goodkind
Themes: Truth vs Belief
Quotes: "Mice think they are in the right, but my cat still eats them."
Reading/Listening Time: 34 hours, 10 minutes for entire book, I skipped roughly 10% of it.

Review:

This book was like was like watching a crime drama. I don't know how you feel about crime dramas, but I think they can be pretty engaging (especially if they actually make you invested in the characters), but then inevitably it seems like they'll have these really graphic scenes that just kind of sneak up on you, and you realize you're watching torture-porn.

OK, maybe that's a bit of a strong label...what I mean is that the story can become gradually so much more graphic than it needs to be, and you hardly even notice because you're so wrapped up the tension of it all.

This story does have pretty engaging characters, I liked Richard, and Kalhan, and Zed. (And that cute little girl they kept running into, and the other wizard who was her friend and gave her the doll to let her know how much she was worthy of being loved...cuz everyone else treated her like crap and it #just #ugh #FEELS!)

I loved that each of them knew a different part of the mystery, that the other's didn't know...and how that influenced their whole group dynamic. Like, "I can't tell you this piece of information right now, because you won't understand it, or it will give you the wrong impression of me and right now we need to have each other's backs."-type thing...It's really suspenseful and engaging to read.

And I get that if you're going to have your main character weld a 'Sword of Righteous Indignation', or whatever, you're gonna need some really really horrible, universally despicable people to use it on.

But the whole depiction of someone grooming a child up for ritualistic sacrifice, conveyed using sexual euphemisms, was simply distasteful.I read most of this book on kindle, these types of scenes made me I wish I could eye-vomit that shit out of my head.

(I can't believe I paid for this book)

Rating: I was really torn with the rating, I eventually went with 3/5 Stars because I did enjoy the story. I have not desire to continue the rest of the series tho.

Year of Epic Fantasy Reading 2017: Day 27 (The Neverending Story)

Title: The Neverending Story
Author: Michael Ende
Themes: Imagination
Quotes: “When it comes to controlling human beings there is no better instrument than lies. Because, you see, humans live by beliefs. And beliefs can be manipulated. The power to manipulate beliefs is the only thing that counts.”
Reading/Listening Time: 13 hours, 46 minutes

Review:

I didn't notice until just now that the author's last name is "Ende" which is funny because in the book he makes a big point of giving his characters ridiculous last names. Like, the main character's last name is "Bux" (Pronounced "Books") and he gets a book in the story. The author's last name could be, like, a play on the title. I don't know if that was intentional, (because the story was originally written in German and I don't know the word for "End" in German) but it's pretty interesting.

All I remember from the movie version is that this kid in the real world is reading a book, and we see what's happening in the book as he reads it. And SPOILER ALERT all this crap happened to the characters in the book (like they died and everything was really sad) but in the end it was just A OK because the kid could always revisit the best bits in his imagination...

So, in his mind, he could go back to when the horse was still alive...and the little boy and the horse were just setting out on the adventure with all this enthusiasm and hope and totally ignorant of the pain and adversity they would face in the future.

(Which sounds totally healthy and appropriate to me...NOT!)

And even as young as I was (I was probably around 10 years old) I just thought it felt like cheating. Like, you're missing out on the whole picture and purpose of it if you just pretend like the bad stuff never happened.

Even though I still think it leaves a lot to be said, I can kinda appreciate where that part of the story is coming from now that I'm older.

What I appreciate even more is that the book version actually has a lot more to say about the purpose of an imagination, and the role escapist literature should play in real life.

The second half of the book could is actually more of a sequel. It gets really metaphysical and it examines the whole mechanism of imagination, and how it can gradually become a malignant force if you let it.

My favorite scene was when the book character Atreyu meets that werewolf who's chained up. It was so cool because they explain the difference between things like an imagining and a delusion, or how does a metaphor become twisted into a lie? Why the imaginary world is important to humans, and exactly why it absolutely shouldn't become "real".

It makes me wanna go back and watch the movie again.

Rating: 4/5 Stars.

Year of Epic Fantasy 2017: Day 26 (An Ember in the Ashes)

Title: An Ember in the Ashes
Author: Sabaa Tahir
Themes: Freedom
Quotes:“There are two kinds of guilt. The kind that's a burden and the kind that gives you purpose. Let your guilt be your fuel. Let it remind you of who you want to be. Draw a line in your mind. Never cross it again.”
Reading/Listening Time: 15 hours, 22 minutes

Review:

I wanted to read some fantasy novels that weren't based on European myths. I started out reading one called "The Bone Witch" but I kinda lost enthusiasm for it and couldn't finish. Then I remembered reading a magazine article about this lady who wrote a fantasy novel based on the concept of, like, "Your brother got kidnapped by terrorists, what would you do to save him?" but in a middle-eastern fantasy setting. And that sounded really interesting to me (especially coming off from "The Bone Witch" because I would have LOVED for that one to explore the sister and brother relationship it had more).

This one has a dual protagonist set up, and it's not actually the brother and sister. It's these two young adults on opposite ends of the sociopolitical spectrum: Elias is the guy and he's from this quasi-romanesque culture and he's going to this gladiator school so he can be a killing machine when he grows up.  Laia is from a kind of intellectual Persian/Iranian type-culture that lives in subjection to the not-romans. She wants to be a doctor, but her brother got involved with this underground rebellion and he got in big trouble. The rest of her family got killed, so she goes all clandestine to get help so he can escape before they decide to execute him.

One thing I really liked about this set up, is that it means there's always a lot going on with either one protagonist or the other. The whole time you're wondering how they're gonna finally meet up, and when they do it's interesting to see what they think of each other.

I guess it kind of is like a YA romance, but it didn't feel so forced because the author spent a lot of time developing both of the protagonists before they even meet, and the story doesn't progress their relationship unrealistically quickly. I kept thinking it would be totally stupid if Laia just fell for this guy who she thinks is gonna be a killing machine when he grows up, and I was so so glad when it didn't turn out that way and they were going to tackle the romance aspect a bit more tactfully and in a way that felt like it fit with the world it takes place in.

As far as the fantasy aspects, the story references a lot of things like Ifrits, Djinn and Ghouls (which makes my inner fangirl happy because I LOVE them!) They even have these monk-like guys/ladies who can see the future, and at one point they're described as almost reptilian in appearance (LIZARD PEOPLE YAAY!!!)

I will say it takes a while to figure out how all of these elements fit into the story, at some points they feel almost like they're gonna be used for asthetic but later on they become more relevant and there's an actual explanation for what happened to them.

SPOILER ALERT

Apparently a lot of them were killed by this Djinn called The Nightbringer some time in the past which is CLEARLY being established as set up for something significant later on END SPOILER

I think there's a lot in this book that is engaging, and quite a bit that is meaningful. I also really loved that you feel like, as seemingly intricate/detailed as this book is, we're only seeing a small piece of the whole puzzle of this world and how it works and it could get a whole lot bigger in the next one in the series.

Rating 4/5 Stars.

Year of Epic Fantasy 2017: Day 25 (The Kingkiller Chronicle books 1 & 2.5)

Title: The Kingkiller Chronicle: "The Name of the Wind" (Book 1) & "The Slow Regard of Silent Things" (Book 2.5)
Author: Patrick Rothfuss
Themes: Regret
Quotes: From The Name of the Wind: "Call a jack a jack. Call a spade a spade. But always call a whore a lady. Their lives are hard enough, and it never hurts to be polite."
From The Slow Regard of Silent Things: “It was wise enough to know itself, and brave enough to BE itself, and wild enough to change itself while somehow staying altogether true.”
Reading/Listening Time: The Name of the Wind: 27 hours, 56 mins & The Slow Regard of Silent things: 3 hours, 39 minutes

Review:

These two books are stories that I value more for the characters the present then the world they create.

The first book has this biographer guy going to find this reclusive legendary dude who apparently did all of these epic things when he was younger. He eventually finds him and convinces him to tell his story, but because the legendary dude (Kvothe) is really poetical he wants to tell it in his own way.

He's like "Well, you better get your pen ready cuz this is gonna take THREE DAYS for me to get through..."

The rest of the entire book is Day 1 of him telling his story...

Which, IDK...I think it actually takes LONGER than 24 hours from that point to the end of the book on audio so Kote/Kvothe, as long winded as he was, must have been talking REALLY fast.

Honestly, though, this book was a resounding success for me. It reminded me a lot of the people I've met and taken care of as a nurse. A lot of them have lived really interesting lives and done things they're proud of, and things they're not proud of. And because in the hospital or nursing home, sometimes you meet these people and they're in crisis, or at the end of their lives, they want to share it with you. And it's a truely precious thing! Even if you have NOTHING in common with that person...you can build that connection and you carry it with you for the rest of your life.

That's what this book captured so perfectly to me. Now, I don't greatly admire Kvothe as a heroic figure (I don't even accept him as a particularly reliable narrator) but there is a place in my heart for him because he makes me think of the individuality of each person I've ever met (even the people I don't like very much, because I don't think I'd have liked young!Kvothe very much).



The second book I read in this series is kind of a spinnoff. It's not Day 2 of Kvothe's journey, it deals with a completely different character who Kvothe met while he was in school. It's written in a very different style from the first book, and it's a lot shorter because it's just this snapshot in the life of this kind of severely autistic, homeless woman.

A lot of people didn't like it because it doesn't really advance the plot of the series a whole lot, but for me it had what attracts me to this world so much, which is the really interesting characters. Even as limited as Auri is in her perspective and the ways she can interact with the world, even in the ways she can think...there's a beautiful humanity to her. Her world is small, and she spends most of her time alone, but her life is so incredibly full. of wonder and beauty and tragedy...

It's amazing, quite honestly.


Overall the thing I appreciate most about Mr Rothfuss' writing his how he examines brokenness in people, and the idea that "broken" does not mean "ruined".  You can still be the best version of yourself even if you're disabled and feel like you can't achieve the same things as other people can, or you feel like you've failed in some way in your life. It's a really bittersweet message, and it resonated with me very strongly.

Rating: 5/5 For The Name of the Wind, 4/5 for The Slow Regard of Silent Things

Year of Epic Fantasy Reading 2017: Day 24 (The Wood Beyond the World)

Title: The Wood Beyond the World
Author: William Morris
Themes: Escape
Quotes: Feminine power
Reading/Listening Time: 5 hours, 20 minutes

Review:

This is another early fantasy that feels very strongly like a fairytale, but like not a particularly great one. It's about a guy named Walter who wants to get away from his cheating wife, so Walter's dad sends him out with his caravan to see the world. There's really not a lot of detail about his life at sea, everything is vaguely lovely except he keeps seeing these spectral-like images of three people wherever he goes: a lady, a dwarf, and a servant maid traveling together. 

While he's gone on the journey, the wife and her family start a fight with Walter's dad, and Walter's dad is injured and eventually dies. 

When he hears about his father's death, Walter starts to go back home to take it up with his In-Laws, but then he gets caught in a storm and pretty much says: "Screw it! IDC! I'm SO done!"

Eventually he ends up in this enchanted forest where everything and everyone seems suspiciously set up: like the whole of reality is playground, and he's the newest boy toy.

And he finally meets...the lady, dwarf, and servant maid. And he ends up getting involved in this conflict/rivalry between two female sorcerers. 

My biggest issue with this story is that Walter is the main character and he's really not that interesting as a person. I suppose you could make the argument that in the beginning he's trying to get away from "woman-problems" only to get caught up in "MOaR woman-problems", but really he's just a passive character. Walter is an observer, the real story is taking place between the lady and the maid...two people who NEVER ACTUALLY GET NAMES!!!

Which is really a shame because whole intrigue and scheming between the two women was actually pretty interesting.

Rating: 3/5 Stars (probably deserves 2/5)

Year of Epic Fantasy Reading: Day 23 (The Original Shannara Trilogy Books 1 & 2)

Title: The Sword of Shannara and The Elfstones of Shannara
Author: Terry Brooks
Themes: Duty, family
Quotes: "The rabbit knows a few tricks, that is why it is still alive after so many chases."
Reading/Listening Time: 26 hours for The Sword of Shannara & 23 hours, 12 minutes for Elfstones of Shannara.

Review:

These books are plagued by a set of boring male protagonists. Usually I don't mind male protagonists, even the one's other people say are boring.

Harry Potter?

Love him! Terribly sarcastic and bold, almost to the point of being a jerk. If I went to Hogwarts, I don't think we'd be friends, but that doesn't mean I would LOVE to have him as a friend! I could've been his introverted friend he takes along on adventures, and always seems to get into trouble with. He'd teach me not to be afraid authority figures, and to stand up to them if they're abusing said authority.

 A++ Probably my favorite character in the series besides Hagrid.

Luke Skywalker?

Honestly I really related to him as a kid, more so than I did Harry Potter. People always think of Star Wars as a really masculine story but to me there's a lot of Luke's emotional journey that transcends gender dynamics. Even as an adult, I see a lot of myself in him.

Frodo Baggins? 

Even though I rank him quite a bit below Bilbo on my "Definitive Tolkien Character Preference Chart", I really appreciate that he's NOT "Bilbo 2.0". He's really thoughtful, determined, and open minded (WAY more than Bilbo was)...But he's also kinda neurotic.

It's a re-occurring thing in the books that everyone kinda expects him to be weak or feeble, I think that's mostly because he himself is very conscious of his personal limitations (and makes an effort to accommodate for them), but also Mr Tolkien really puts him through a lot more than he does the other characters. Tolkien basically DESTROYS everything he loves (or rather he destroys Frodo's ability to enjoy the things he loves), and Frodo STILL goes on and fights the good fight until he can't anymore.

In his weakest and most pathetic moments, I still aspire to be like him.


But Shae Olmsford? Will Olmsford?

They don't really do a whole lot for me. They're kinda bland, half-elven blood notwithstanding. What makes it a bit worse is the narrative has really poor word economy so they'll take ten times longer to do something, or think something through, than a normal person would. So they're not only a bit bland, they're also pretty dim and kinda annoying.

The world these stories take place in is wonderful! I love how you just go into it assuming it's a generic fantasy world, and later on you gradually learn it's actually SPOILER ALERT a futuristic, post-apocalyptic dystopian reality END SPOILER

The side characters are fantastic, and I think they really steal the show. The second book was particularly a pleasant surprise, because the character that did end up being my favorite started out as a total JERK and went through ACTUAL CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT and it was so so rewarding.

So, yeah...you don't have to read these books for the titular characters.  Read them for Flick, Menion, Allanon, Balinor, Eventine, Panamon Creel, Keltset, Shirl, Amberle "Disapointment" Elessedil. They are the ones who really make these stories worth it.

I might eventually read the next book in the series, but it won't be for Wil's kids, becuz I'm pretty sure they're gonna be just as boring as their parents.

Rating:  4/5 Stars for The Sword of Shannara, 3/5 Stars for The Elfstones of Shannara.

Year of Epic Fantasy 2017: Day 22 (The Gunslinger)

Title: The Gunslinger
Author: Stephen King
Themes: The Pursuit of Knowledge
Quotes: "The trap had a ghastly perfection. If someone told you you’d go to hell if you thought about seeing your mother naked (once when the gunslinger was very young he had been told this very thing), you’d eventually do it. And why? Because you did not want to [...] Because, if given a knife and a hand in which to hold it, the mind would eventually eat itself. Not because it wanted to; because it did not want to.”

Reading/Listening Time: August 20th to Sept. 2nd.

Review:

I only finished this book so fast because my train broke down and my cell phone was running out of battery. Really I found the writing style quite dry, which is a shame because I think it introduces some really interesting ideas.

It's about this guy named Roland and how devoted he is to his search for truth behind the mysteries of the multiverse.

I was reading it as a fantasy, but really I think it has more in common with H.P Lovecraft's stories. It never quite achieves Lovecraft's sense of cosmic horror (Although it does have some disturbing moments) but it does play off a lot of the same themes: namely that truth is something big, and scary, and not meant for people to understand.

One of the interesting aspects of this story to me is how Mr King infuses everything with a sense of ambivalence:

SPOILER ALERT The main character in this book performs an abortion on a woman impregnated with demon spawn as casually as if he'd been asked to do an oil change. The graphic description of a little boy's violent death, foreshadowing another violent end, the little boy's corporal ghost knowing he's going to be "killed" yet again, and the nonchalant slaughter of an entire village.  Mr King doesn't really seem to be trying to convince us that any of this actually matters.

END SPOILER

I kinda feel like this was intentional. Roland's brutal and ruthless: willing to go to such lengths to get what he wants and yet as a reader you can't help but wonder if his search (like any of his other actions) has any real significance at all.

Really I think that that is a concept Mr Lovecraft would have enjoyed, but it didn't do a whole lot for me. 

Rating: 2/5 Stars. (It introduces  some interesting ideas, but none that are worth exploring the rest of the series for.)

Year of Epic Fantasy 2017: Day 21 (Dragons of Autumn Twilight)

Title: Dragons of Autumn Twilight
Authors: Margaret Weis & Tracy Hickman
Themes: Teamwork
Quotes: “You know," he said with unusual somberness, "I asked my father once why kenders were little, why we weren't big like humans and elves. I really wanted to be big," he said softly and for a moment he was quiet. 

"What did your father say?" asked Fizban gently. 

"He said kenders were small because we were meant to do small things. 'If you look at all the big things in the world closely,' he said, 'you'll see that they're really made up of small things all joined together.' That big dragon down there comes to nothing but tiny drops of blood, maybe it's the small things that make the difference.”
Reading/Listening Time: 19 hours, 59 minutes

Review:

For some reason all my life I thought there was an actual book series called "Dungeons and Dragons" based on the game, and I wanted to read one last year. I found out there isn't a particular fantasy book or book series called "Dungeons and Dragons", which was kinda disappointing, but there are a lot of books inspired by the game and this is one of them.

The story itself has two listed authors, but I'm pretty sure there was a whole group of people involved in the creation of this story. Usually I'd think of that as a bad thing (like the new star wars trilogy, or that campfire game where kids take turns telling their own story and by the end it makes no sense), but here they're clearly held together by a coherent vision. They're not trying to make the story their own, and interestingly they end up making something that is greater than the sum of its individual parts.

I don't want to suggest that this novel is perfect, it's a little episodic and some of the dialogue is a little cheesy, but it is one of those books that you read and you feel like any one of the characters could have held a compelling protagonist role all on their own. That's something I really admire in a story (especially when you get to see that the "episodes" really are building on each other, it's like uncovering a mystery).

My favorite character in the story was Tasslehoff. I think he's the type of character that would have been really easy to write as a simpleton and I'm so so glad they didn't choose to do that in this book.

Rating: 3/5 Stars.

Year of Epic Fantasy Reading 2017: Day 20 (The White Dragon)

Title: The White Dragon
Author: Anne McCaffrey
Themes: Entitlement
Quotes: "So...the boy had discovered that flying a firebreathing dragon was not enough to keep him content with his life."
Reading/Listening Time: 13 hours, 6 minutes

Review:

I found this book while looking for another one that I'd bought a while back and lost. All I could remember about it is that had a white dragon on the cover. That book ended up being "Swords of the Six" by Scott Appleton. I'm only a couple of chapters into it, but I can't imagine it being dumber than this one.

The dragons in it are basically a glorified cleaning crew, they're not particularly intelligent but for some reason they're just so majestic that the main character becomes sexually aroused by watching them mate.

The humans are not a whole lot better. I really had a hard time caring about Jaxom because I think he's kind of creepy. He makes me think of this guy:

He's childish and entitled, and if for some reason he doesn't get what he wants he just takes it and eventually everyone comes round to congratulate him for taking initiative.

I would have really loved it if we saw Jaxom start to become this really horrible villain, and he was so powerful because he was willing to be ruthless and just take what he wants. This story admires those qualities though. It reads like it was written in at the height of the British Empire: people rule the world by acting like it already belongs to them. There are aspects of that mentality that I think are worthy of recognition and investigation, but this book doesn't even do that. It just assumes that we're gonna somehow relate to this awful person just by virtue of him being the main character.

It's a really bland story with horrible characters and it uses dragons, the one thing that could be really cool about it, like they're just cool looking dogs...

(I almost feel bad comparing them to dogs, because dogs are generally more endearing and less creepy. But maybe that would be different if we could read their minds.)

I was not overly impressed.

Rating: 2/5 Stars.

Year of Epic Fantasy Reading 2017: Day 19 (Howl's Moving Castle)

Title: Howl's Moving Castle
Author: Diana Wynne Jones
Themes: Insecurity and Vice
Quotes: "It was very odd. Sophie had always thought she was nearly as strong minded as Lettie. Now she was finding that there were things she could only do when there were no excuses left."
Reading/Listening Time: 8 hours, 36 minutes

Rant:

About a month ago I made a post comparing the movie and book versions of this story, I want to talk about the book particularly here though because a lot of people assume that just because they've seen a movie based on a book they know the characters and they know what the book is about. And, guys, that's just not the case with this one. They are completely different. So if you've seen the Studio Ghilbi film I would highly encourage you to check this one out, but I would also caution you not to expect them to be exactly alike: this book is it's own thing, it has a completely different message and Book!Howl and Movie!Howl are completely different people.

Review: 

The story takes place in an alternate reality where everything's vaguely Victorian, but there's also wizards and sorceresses. They can be good or bad, but most of the time it just sounds like they work their trade like everyone else.

I think this book is real sweet and smart. It's about a girl named Sophie trying to make her way in the world. At the start, she's kind of neurotic and every time she wants to do something she always thinks all the reasons why she can't do the thing. It gets so bad, she has a hard time even going into town on a visit. Her normal routine bores her, but anything out of that routine fills her with terrible anxiety.

And then one day a witch walks into the shop where she works and curses her...into an old woman.! And you know, it's a curse...like it's not a good thing that happened to her, but really it kind of liberates her from everything that's been keeping her from doing the things she'd like to do with her life. I find it delightful that everything fearful and uncertain about her life suddenly becomes an opportunity; because she feels like she has nothing to loose, she's ready to make the most of it. 


There's a lot to like about this story, but this was my favorite aspect of it. 

At first the plot itself seems kind of oddball, like "The Wizard of Oz" or "Alice in Wonderland". Just a bit of random occurrences and obstacles kind of thrown together loosely for our protagonist to encounter, but there's actually a pretty substantial mystery behind it and there ends up being a satisfying resolution to it all and how it all fits together.

I'd written a whole character analysis for Howl, but I don't want to include it because I think focusing on him too much gives you the wrong impression of the book. It's like Iron Man in the first Avengers movie: he's a big part of it, but the story is more about the ensemble, and how their lives intertwined. It could have focused on Suleiman, or the General, or even the evil sorcerors and it would have been just as interesting because of the way it explores the characters motivations. 


Rating: 4/5 Stars.

Year of Epic Fantasy Reading 2017: Day 18 (The Mists of Avalon)

Title: The Mists of Avalon
Author: Marion Zimmer Bradley
Themes: Paganism vs Christianity
Quotes: “The older I grow the more I become certain that it makes no difference what words we use to tell the same truths.”
Reading/Listening Time: 16 hours, 1 minute

Review:

This is basically a retelling of the King Arthur legend from Morgaine's perspective, and surprisingly it doesn't make her out to be the villain. A lot of people kinda see it as a revisionist work for feminism....which I probably would have enjoyed, considering how I felt about Thomas Mallory's Le Morte D'Artur...but it's really more about the struggle between the people of two different religious groups, personified by the half-siblings Morgaine and Arthur.

It starts out seeming like the women are all liberated as Pagans, but as the story goes on you kinda see that they're as tightly bound by their beliefs as the Christian's are.

Both Morgaine and Arthur are under the thumb of their respective religious establishments, and they eventually get manipulated into engaging in ritualistic sex.

If that sounds really weird, it kinda is. But if you're familiar with the King Arthur Legends, their relationship is kinda a staple of it, and the explanation as to why and how it happened in this book is actually the one that makes the most sense to me.

I also liked that The Ladies of the Lake actually have an explanation for who they are, exactly. Why they exist, and what is their beef with Arthur and Co.

I mentioned in my "Le Morte D'artur Vol. 1" post about how I felt that that I felt that story was fragmented. It didn't feel like it was complete. Well this story fills in those gaps so magnificently that everything feels whole, and coherent, and complete. It's really quite masterful.


Notes:

I remember reading the first few pages at my grandma's house, as a kid, and came away feeling it was pretty hostile towards Christianity. Later on, though, it goes into a really thoughtful discussion about spirituality, and the theology of the two religions and why some people would prefer to believe one or the other.

 It was especially cathartic for me because it reminded me strongly of the types of conversation I with my paternal grandmother when I was younger.

I will never forget the last meaningful conversation I had with her was shortly after I'd read this book and I was able to talk to her about it, and about faith, again. She was quite elderly and she didn't remember reading it herself, but she admitted "I read everything." I remember it was pretty prominently displayed at her house, so I'm pretty sure she did. I will always wonder if and how it may have influenced her views on faith and spirituality.

Rating: 4/5 Stars. I need to read it again...

Year of Epic Fantasy Reading 2017: Day 17 (Le Morte D'artur Vol. 1)

Title: Le Morte D'artur Vol. 1
Author: Thomas Mallory
Themes: Misogyny
Quotes: "And so every knight thinketh his own lady fairest." 
Reading/Listening Time: 15 hours, 50 minutes

Review:

I kind of went back and forth with this one: wondering if it's more of a legend, or a fairy tale, or a fantasy story...

I kinda came to the conclusion that it depends on which version of the story you read. This one, I think, very much reflects the views of the time it was written just like a lot of contemporary fantasy does in our day. For that reason, I prefer to read it as a fantasy story.

The whole book is supposed to have been transcribed by Mr Mallory from a french book that he translated into English. I like to think that 'The French Book' reflected a bit of prejudice that the northern people may have had at that time, in regards to their southern counterparts, because I think a lot of it does not reflect positively on them. (I don't know if that was intentional, but there are definitely several bits that are quite laughable to readers of the modern persuasion.)

I didn't really feel that Arthur was the primary character in this story. It starts with him, but then it branches out to all these colorful figures: knights and ladies, sorceresses and Merlin...and what they're all going through. I particularly enjoyed Tor, and the whole story of how he was discovered. It just paints a delightful picture in my mind to imagine Tor and his siblings standing side by side in front of the royals and Arthur goes:

It's probably the happiest of the stories, at least it was to me.

It's also interesting to me that almost all of the sorcerers in this book are female, and unless they happen to be romantically attached to one of the knights, or to the sole male sorcerer (Merlin), they are almost invariably malign.

There's this whole ridiculously hilarious scene where this knight comes upon a group of women who are really pissed off at this other knight guy cuz apparently he was really disrespectful or something...

The Knight automatically get's all defensive and goes into #NOTALLKNIGHTS mode...

And it turns out he's completely justified in that reaction because the women are actually sorceresses. and they vaguely intimidated that other knight guy so obviously they're bad news...

Even though I've read a bit of classic literature over the years, and I've become a lot more accustomed to antiquated language, some parts of this book were a bit confusing and I had to work through them. There are some words that they used back then that clearly had a bit of a different meaning than they do today. If you're not familiar with the more archaic word use, or perhaps even if you are, I would recommend reading an annotated version of this book.

Rating: Oddly enough, I didn't rate this one after I'd read it. I guess I kinda had some mixed feelings about it. Several parts were funny to read, but mostly I felt like it was so fragmented that it was kinda hard to figure out the chronology of events. A lot of that was fixed (or at least explained) later in the year when I studied and read more about Medieval England.

So I'd give it 3/5 Stars.

Epic Fantasy Reading 2017: Day 16 (Mistborn: The Final Empire)

Title: Mistborn: The Final Empire
Author: Brandon Sanderson
Themes: Religion
Quotes: "Well, that's what trust is isn't it? A willful self delusion..."
Reading/Listening Time: 24 hours, 25 minutes

Review:

The Final Empire takes place in like a post-apocalyptic world. I don't think it's exactly our world, but kind of similar. Aesthetically everything about the world is kinda eerie and muted: like there are these volcanoes that don't erupt lava they just spew ash out all the time. And at night this "mist" (which actually sounds a lot more like smog to me) comes out and for some reason it's creepy. The leaves of plants are always some shade of brown (never green), and the only flowers anyone has ever seen are in pictures. 

There are even these primal-type creatures that take the form of whatever living thing they consume, so if your dog died and then you saw it walking around again...it *might* not actually be your dog, it might be a mist-wraith. 

I would have loved it if they'd explored this aspect of the world a bit more. I think it has the potential to be very atmospheric and evocative, unfortunately it's not really used to that effect. There's not a whole lot as far as descriptions or feelings of that nature. Which is unfortunate, because as a world I felt it could have been absolutely enchanting. 

Anyway, in this world society is separated into these two classes: the noble class (many of whom have these superhuman abilities where they eat different metals and gain the particular ability associated with that metal) and the skaa (who are like regular humans who are basically slaves). This whole social set up has been going on for quite a while, and while the occasional rebellion will flair up among the lower classes (and "House Wars" among the upper classes) it hasn't really amounted to anything in terms of positive social change. 

This is largely because all the people (skaa and the nobles) have the same religion: they all worship their-apparently immortal-Lord Ruler as an aspect of divinity and they can't bring themselves to try to kill something that deep down they actually worship.

The story deals extensively with what it means to love someone, and what it means to have belief or faith in a person or a cause. I agree that love and conviction are powerful forces in a person's life, but I'm a but unnerved at some of the implications he's drawn in this book.

The only thing I can compare it to is "Avatar: The Legend of Korra" in that cartoon series they explore concepts like spirituality and connectedness through the POV of a character who not very in touch with their spirituality at all. 

This book deals similarly with the concept of religion. It explores the idea of how significant it is to have a sense of purpose and devotion in life through the POV of these characters who don't really have any grounding beliefs. Their exploration of belief isn't so much in service of truth, rather more as a means of social control...which is exactly the same thing the villain of the book does. 

So basically, religion exists to control people. Thanks Mr. Sanderson.

Rating 2/5 Stars

Epic Fantasy Reading: Day 15 (The Wheel of Time books 1-11)

Title: The Wheel of Time (Books 1-11)
Author: Robert Jordan
Themes: There are a a lot of them but I think for me the biggest one is Identity
Quotes: “We are always more afraid than we wish to be, but we can always be braver than we expect.” 
Reading/Listening Time: 13 days, 23 hours, 51 minutes

Rant:

This series was my "silver tuna" as far as reading in 2017. I wanted to read a full, epic fantasy series from start to finish, and sadly I wasn't able to complete this goal for one simple reason:

I loved it too much.

Even the parts that were boring, or annoying. I loved them. I really think this author is the only one I've read that year who even approaches doing what Mr Tolkien did with his writing as far as how immersive and meaningful the world he creates is.

Reasonably I could have finished it well before New Years, but I got so accustomed to the narrative and the way Mr Robert Jordan tells his story that at the point in the the story where he died and his writing was picked up by another author...I just could not stand the transition.

I even tried reading one of Brandon Sanderson's books beforehand just so I could acclimate myself to his writing style. I know a lot of people who enjoy Mr Sanderson's books, but I guess I just don't understand those people because I thought "Mistborn" sucked...and I could probably mean that in a good way except for I don't effing care to when this guy is taking over the writing of what's become one of my favorite series' OF ALL TIME...

Now I don't want to make this entire blog entry about "F*ck Brandon Saunderson!" I'm sure his writing has it's virtues and I think it's wrong to hate on him just because he's not my favorite (that was my whole objective/intention in exploring the fantasy genre last year: I thought "You can't automatically discredit all of these stories just because they're not The Lord of the Rings.") But I am not in a place where I can appreciate what he brings to the table in light of what was taken away when Mr Robert Jordan died.


Review:

I was first introduced to The Wheel of Time in a writing workshop some years ago, and it was presented as an example of a fantasy book that didn't conform to literary archetypal story patterns. Now that I've read through most of it, I don't really know that I agree with that perspective 100%. I think just because it's so long, it's probably harder to pick up on where and how those patterns play out. What I think Mr Jordan was trying to do is find a marriage between the traditional "Hero's Journey", which kinda conveys a western perspective on life's journey and the idea that we can better ourselves through change, and the Hindu tradition that life and time are cyclical in nature, and that things that happen tend to repeat themselves: not only in our lives but in history and ultimately the cosmos, or all that exists.

One of my favorite things about this series is that it takes some pretty metaphysical concepts and explains them in a really concrete metaphors. The most iconic of these I think is definitely "The Wheel" itself: which describes all of creation as a spinning wheel and loom, continually in motion, weaving a grand tapestry with the "life threads" of living beings who live, die, and are reborn to serve the creator's pattern.

I've always thought of that kind of fatalistic philosophy as something that was really unfulfilling: who wants to be stuck doing the same things for the rest of eternity? If freewill is an illusion and the fate of some unknown cosmic mechanism arbitrarily rules all of our destinies for the rest of eternity...

Gosh that sounds quite dreary...

And it totally would be, if it weren't for the inherent complexity of human identity: variations in the pattern. In the first half of the series, there's this repeated refrain where several of the characters re-affirm their identity almost like a mantra-

"I am a blacksmith/wisdom/sheepherder of the Two Rivers/Emond's Field." even when those identities have kind of become obsolete because SPOILER ALERT they're actually not a blacksmith/wisdom/sheepherder anymore and they don't even live in the two rivers anymore...END SPOILER But that's the part of them that they value about themselves! It gives them structure and belonging, and even when you find out you are more than just those things it's still kinda the core of your being and it can give you power. To me it's interesting that where you come from can be less something that you need to overcome and more something you need to incorporate into the wholeness of your identity.

Instead of focusing on the futility of trying to change your destiny, you can focus on fulfilling it in the best possible way.

Notes:

I really like the thematic review, so I think I'll end it there even though I'd like to go through an analyze the story in a bit more detail sometime. There's a lot in here that's quite iconic...


Instead, please enjoy my Epic Character Posters and some of my favorite quotes from the series:

-"I would not mind you in my head", Lews Therin said, sounding almost sane, "if you were not so clearly mad."

-"There is one rule, above all others, for being a man. Whatever comes, face it on your feet."

-"Hope is like a piece of string when you're drowning; it just isn't enough to get you out by itself."

"I once saw a man hanging from a cliff. The brink was crumbling under his fingers, and the only thing near enough to grasp was a tuft of grass, a few long blades with roots barely clinging to the rock. The only chance he had of climbing back up on the cliff. So he grabbed it." His abrupt chuckle held no mirth. "He had to know it would pull free..."

"You know my choices. I am clinging to that tuft of grass on the cliff’s lip, praying for it to hold one more heartbeat."

-"Only a fool thought he knew what was in a woman's head just because she had a smile on her face."

-"Galad is so good he'd make you tear your hair out".

-"Almost dead yesterday, maybe dead tomorrow, but alive, gloriously alive, today."

MOAR WOT QUOTES:

-"The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Age that gave it birth comes again. In one Age, called the Third Age by some, an Age yet to come, an Age long past, a wind rose above the great mountainous island of Tremalking. The wind was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the Wheel of Time. But it was a beginning..."

-"A tool made for a purpose is not demeaned by being used for that purpose"


-"Sometimes old enemies fight so long that they become allies and never realize it. They think they strike at you, but they have become so closely linked it is as if you guided the blow yourself."



-"Everything is linked, Rand. Whether it lives or not, whether it thinks or not, everything that is, fits together. The tree does not think, but it is part of the whole and the whole has a feeling."



-"What he could not buy, because it was too expensive or too large, he collected by seeing and remembering. All those remnants of times gone, those wonders scattered around the world that had first pulled him aboard a ship as a boy."



-"Not yet, light please! Not yet..." (I imagine this would be like being told you're gonna get Alzheimer's disease when you get older, and everyone starts treating you like you've already got the early stages and you start getting all paranoid too.) Interesting subnote: after writing that bit (I took these quotes from my goodreads updates) I found out that I have one of the genetic markers for Alzheimers, not early-onset thank goodness but I can kind of imagine what Rand is going through.



-"Loial did not seem to think anything he himself did was brave, or worth writing down"



-“What else can we do?” Leane said eventually. She rode slumped in her saddle now like a sack of grain. “I feel so — empty. Empty.”



“Find something to fill it up,” Siuan told her firmly. “Anything. Cook for the hungry, tend the sick, find a husband and raise a houseful of children..." (Siuan is having none of it today)"



-"Everyone thinks they know the Prophecy, but what they know is what Wise Ones and Clan Chiefs have told them for generations...Not lies, but not the whole truth.""


-“Life is uncertainty and struggle, choice and change; one who knew how her life was woven into the Pattern as well as she knew how a thread was laid into a carpet would have the life of an animal. If she did not go mad. Humankind is made for uncertainty, struggle, choice and change.”



-"There is no one set path to the future. The Pattern makes the finest lace look coarse woven sacking, or tangled string."



-"Boasting was easy when no one expected you to follow through."



-"This isn't a story, [umm...I'm pretty sure it is...] he isn't some invincable hero [he's made it this far hasn't he?], and if his thread is snipped out of the pattern, the wheel of time won't notice his going [that would actually be a really interesting turn of events!], and the Creator will produce no miracles to save us [you're all screwed].""



-"Even smiling, Nynaeve was angry enough to embrace The Source." (that's it. that's all you need to know about nynaeve)"



-"You cannot tell a man he has the power to make the earth shake, then expect him to walk small."



-"Nothing ever goes as you expect. Expect nothing, and you will not be surprised. Expect nothing. Hope for nothing. Nothing." (PREAACH!)



-"Half of what I know to be true is no less insane."

-"Men scheme and women plot, but the Wheel weaves as it will." -"But men needed the trappings, the symbols and the names, the black coats and the pins, to help hold them together." -"And Selande had something extra, a steadiness, as if she had already faced the worst fear in her life and nothing could ever be that bad again.""

-"If a sword had memory he might be grateful to the forge fire, but never fond of it."



-"Rand barely heard the voice in his head. Suddenly he knew he did not have to describe Kisman and the others. He could draw them so well that anyone would recognize the faces. Except, he had never been able to draw in his life. Lews Therin could, though. That should have frightened him...It should have." 



-"I don't know what anybody's toes have to do with anything, or feet either" (I just...yeah this one is hilarious...you had to be there...)



-"The Creator had made the world and then left humankind to make of it what they would, a heaven or the Pit of Doom by their choosing, The Creator had made many worlds, watched each flower and die, and gone on to make endless worlds beyond. A gardener did not weep for each blossom that fell."



-"Truth almost always did come out in the end, but by the end, truth was often so wrapped around with rumors and speculation and absolute lies that most people never did believe it.""



-"You don't shoe your own horse when you have a farrier, or grind your own grain when you have a miller." (Guys sexism is real)



-"She felt like an ant that had just become aware of mountains."



-"Light, how the horror of yesterday became the uneasiness of today, once you grew accustomed..."



-"In stories everything was wrapped up by the end, real life was much messier." 



-"My name is Nynaeve ti al’Meara Mandragoran. The message I want sent is this. My husband rides from World’s End toward Tarwin’s Gap, toward Tarmon Gai’don. Will he ride alone?" (EPPICC!)



-"I am nothing like these women, Toy. Nothing like them. Perhaps I could learn, but I choose not to, just as I choose not to steal or commit murder. That makes all the difference." (Considering how we know you've had at least a couple of your siblings assassinated, and you habitually brainwash your slaves and treat them like sub-human slime...I'm not quite sure how I'm supposed to take this, Tuon...)

-"I've never been on an adventure. I bet we won't either of us cry ourselves to sleep on an adventure. And if we do, we will make sure the gleemen leave that part out."



-“Duty is heavy as a mountain, death is light as a feather.”

-“I will hate the man you choose because he isn't me, and love him if he makes you smile.” 

-“You have made a place in my heart where I thought there was no room for anything else. You have made flowers grow where I cultivated dust and stones. Remember this, on this journey you insist on making. If you die, I will not survive you long.” 



-“The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it must and survived.” 

-“If you must mount the gallows, give a jest to the crowd, a coin the hangman, and make the drop with a smile on your lips.” 

-“Run when you have to, fight when you must, rest when you can.” 

-"He was swimming in a sea of other people’s expectations. Men had drowned in seas like that.”