Way back in the day when I was, like, fourteen years old. (nine years ago...wow.) I started going to the local community college. At first, I took relatively easy courses. But as time passed, I got my license and my enrollment status increased, I took the opportunity to do a very stupid thing.
I enrolled full time, VERY full time.
The way I saw it, my life was on a schedule. If I took a full set of credits at one school and completed training as a Certified Nurse Assistant at another; at the end of term I could get "real" job and be "on target" with my career goals.
And it worked out, kinda.
I did get through my English, Science, Behavioral science, Equine science, and CNA Program classes. I passed all of them with good grades. (Very good, actually.) But it cost me a lot.
Two days a week, I was at the school from about 8 am to 11pm. The three other days I was in school from 7am to 3pm. When I got home, I studied.
I didn't sleep in a bed, I slept in front of a computer doing assignments. Or on the floor. I believe one of my brother's still has a picture of me with my head laying on the computer desk, holding a pencil because I had fallen asleep taking notes.
I rarely went to church. (Gratefully I was able to seminary from a manual that semester. I actually got a lot more out of it then I did when I went to classes in the morning.)
I did gain a lot from that semester. I discovered that I love writing, all kinds. I love studying people and how they interact. I love learning (too much!). I got to meet some really weird people, and I got to help some really weird people.
At the end of the semester I got a manila envelope in the mail. Inside there was a certificate. Apparently, through my own sheer stupidity, I had met all the requirements for the dean's list.
The accomplishment didn't make me happy. Actually, I totally resented it.
I wasn't trying to accomplish a feat (W.O.W reference ;)) I was just working as hard as I could. Then it struck me that virtually no one was proud of what I was doing. (No one, besides my Mom and Dad, even acknowledged that I was taking college courses at sixteen years of age. No one took me aside and said "I know this is hard, I'm proud of you, I believe in you.")
This little paper was the only acknowledgement I had in that area. To the rest of the world, my dreams, my accomplishments meant very little.
I ended up buying a "deans list" charm for $40(I used to keep a charm bracelet, I think I wore it two times in my life.) to remind me of the experience. Unfortunately, this experience has repeated itself many times.
Now when someone tells me about their dreams: I get exited about it, because it's a precious thing. Once a guy told me he wanted to go to a university and become an optometrist and I shouted at him "REALLY? That is so cool!" The look on his face was pretty priceless.
Big revelation: Sometimes the effort is not worth it, but when it is, own it.
3 comments:
I loved this post! I have felt like that my whole life. I get super frustrated when I work super hard at something for a long time and people discount it like it's nothing... or they want the use of the skills I've worked on for free. It's usually something to the effect of, "She just does hair..." but then ask if I can cut their hair for free. Same thing for photography. There are lots of people laughing at me because I'm going to school in the field. But i love it and can care less what they think. I learned a long time ago that people don't really care what you do or how hard you work at something - until it physically effects them. . .
It is super nice when people acknowledge the sweat and tears you've endured to get where you are, though. And I agree! It usually isn't acknowledged enough.
I admire you for finishing school and doing what you want to do, and not what some one else has forced you to do. I wish i had finished school a long time ago. I'm frustrated that I didn't persevere when I was single without kids. But, I'm still grateful for the opportunity I have to finish school now, even if it takes extra sweat and tears to get it done. The diploma I'll get in the mail will definitely be hung on the wall to remind me that I can, in fact, do what I set my mind to, even if the world disagrees with my ambitions :)
-Sorry for the novel! I just really liked your post :)
Please keep writing! You are really gifted at it!
Thanks so much! And in case I haven't told you, I believe in what you're doing. You're insanely good at...like...everything you do. I still want to eventually do a funky photo shoot with you...and I do want to pay for it ;)
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