Short Stories

I haven't had time to read a novel in a while. So I've been reading a collection of short stories and speeches from books I find randomly.

There are some benefits to reading short stories instead of full length novels. Some of them are just as enticing as a full length novel (...a few of them are more so!), and they don't occupy a lot of your time. Even if they do suck (Which happens...too frequently.) at least you didn't waste a whole lot of time on them.

I've complied a list of five of my favorite short stories below.

1) Fall of the House of Usher by Edgar Allan Poe

(No good pictures of this one, Sorry.)

One-Liner Version of The Story: It's about a guy gets invited to his friend's house, and it's scary.

My Take On The Story: Obviously there's a lot more to the story then the one-liner would suggest. Roderick Usher is sick and scared and doesn't want to be alone so calls for his only best friend to come and stay with him. Touched by Roderick's plea, (...or suckered) The Nameless Narrator goes to Roderick's creepy house for an extended stay.

Most reviews I've read about it center around how Mr. Poe used words to create this really, really creepy place (The House). One reviewer commented that the character's should be considered the objects in the story while The House is the real character. 

I disagree.

While that atmosphere was a really cool aspect of the story, I think the coolest part of it is how Roderick and Madeline develop throughout the story. They kind of unravel like a mystery (A mystery that is never fully solved, sadly.).

At the start of the story, the Narrator (and by extension, the reader) doesn't even know Madeline exists.

Roderick's BFF (AKA The Narrator): "Uh, there's this really creepy lady walking over there!"

Roderick: "Oh, yeah. That's my sister."

Roderick's BFF: "You never told me you had a sister!" 

Roderick: "You can't talk to her, she's sick."

Roderick's BFF: "OK."

[Later]

Roderick: "My sister died, we need to take her body to the crypt RIGHT next to my house." 

Roderick's BFF: "OK."

(Later, as Roderick and his BFF pay their respects)

Roderick's BFF: "I'm so sorry about your sister. I never got to talk to her but she looks like she was a...uh....Wowsa! She was a babe! She looks JUST like YOU...I mean...you only a Hot Chick and all."

Roderick: "Yes, we were very much alike.  It's so sad to lose my twin."

Roderick's BFF: "WHAT?? You didn't tell me she was your twin! We grew up together all our school years and your TWIN SISTER never came up." 

Roderick: "Hmmm...his crypt is really creeping me out, how bout we go upstairs and read ghost stories."

Roderick's BFF: "Seems legit."

Because we get a bunch of little hints that there is more going on then what Roderick is telling you, we get to draw our own conclusions about why *SPOILER ALERT* Madeline was buried alive and returned from the grave to take revenge on her murderous brother.*End spoiler*

So here are my conclusions: The Narrator is a dolt and Roderick is lying. The House is not haunted and it is not what's making the Ushers sick. Madeline, Roderick, and their ancestors poisoned the house, made it a horrible palace to be...made it cursed and haunted.  

2) The Smith of Wootton Major by JRR Tolkien

(Picture source: http://browse.deviantart.com/art/The-Great-Cake-366624196)

(Yes, THAT JRR Tolkien. No, there are no Hobbits.)

One-Liner Version: Cake can change your life, ;) fairy-tales are sacred. 

My Take On The Story: 

I think it's pretty masterful how Tolkien crafted this story. 

Tolkien is throwing you (the reader) into a plot, and then gives you the background info as the story progresses. (Kind of like The Fall of the House of Usher, only cooler because we don't get killed at the end.) We (The reader) don't understand the Baker, or his Apprentice at the start. And even though Baker disappears shortly afterward, we continue to learn about him and the kind of life he must have led throughout the story.

The overall message is that there is more to the world then what we see. That ordinary people can be inspired from the realm beyond. And that it is important to recognize the source of inspiration and not mock it.

My favorite character was Prentice. I liked the little hints about his character all throughout the story. He's a teenager at the start, he get's all offended and angsty about the fairy-figurine because *SPOILER ALERT*he feels like his wife is being mocked.*END SPOILER.*

My Conclusion/Recommendation: 

If you're interested in finding out more about Professor Tolkien and how he saw the world, read this short story. It starts out feeling like a fairy-tale, but it's really a story about how important fairy-tales are in developing us as people. Smith recognizes how the gift of the fay-star has blessed him and his family, and *SPOILER ALERT*returns the favor by passing it along to another little kid. *End Spoiler*

On a side note, *SPOILER ALERT* Tolkien doesn't tell us the circumstances of Alf's banishment to Wootton, we don't know if it was by choice or because he needed to learn a lesson. However, because his first reaction to being re-instated as King of Fay was to say "Boy-ah!" to the guy who bullied him his whole life, I think it was probably a bit of both. Perhaps Prentice and the Queen of Fay were in a bad way, and he left to sort things out. *SPOILER ALERT*

3) Snow White and Rose Red

(WHY HAS NO ONE MADE A FILM OF THIS YET????????????????? It should totally look like this:

)

I keep reading in other people's reviews of this story (how else am I supposed to talk to people about these stories, no one I know has read them!) that say this is the most random fairy-tale ever. 

UM. HAVE YOU READ The ORIGINAL GOLDEN GOOSE STORY? Because this seems WAY less random to me. And it has a cool point.

One-Liner Version: (For me) Two sisters try to help people and it doesn't always work out, but helping others is always the right thing to do.

My Take On The Story: 

These two deserve to be Disney princesses! 

"They often ran about the forest alone and gathered red berries, and no beasts did them any harm, but came close to them trustfully."

(Does this not sound familiar?)

Here's another interesting note about the nature of the two should-be-disney-princesses: 

"Snow-white was more quiet and gentle than Rose-red. Rose-red liked better to run about in the meadows and fields seeking flowers and catching butterflies; but Snow-white sat at home with her mother, and helped her with her house-work, or read to her when there was nothing to do."

So, we have two princesses...two different types of women, who love and value each other. DISNEY ARE YOU LISTENING????

ANYWAY

....Two sisters repeatedly try to help an ungrateful, greedy Lizard Person...sorry...I mean dwarf and his adversary, a Gentlemanly-Bear (who actually turns out to be a prince...oh, and he has a brother too!) 

*ahem* 

Eventually it is revealed that the Dwarf is a sorcerer who has trapped a prince in bear-from, Snow White and Rose Red free the prince who is then re-united with his brother (Who is also a prince). Then Snow White and Rose Red each marry one of the princes. 

My Conclusion: 

OK so maybe it is a little random, it's a tale I think a lot of people who like sarcastic psudo-fairytales could actually appreciate this real one.

I mean, come on!  It's about two sisters making their way in the world and still trying to be good people.  Just make it a Disney movie already!

4) The Loathly Lady (Geoffrey Chaucer's The Wife of Bath's Tale)

This is my favorite of Chaucer's Tales!

One-Liner Version: A determined woman can have it all. 

My Take On The Story: (Note: There area a bunch of different versions so this little review will probably be a composite of what I can remember about them.)  In this story, King Arthur needs a woman's insight in order to defeat an evil-Knight. A very smart, but extremely ugly woman agrees to help but only if she can marry one of the knights of the Round Table. After some hesitation, he agrees and is triumphant over the evil-knight. The ugly woman returns to the court and is honored by the king, queen and the knights. They come to know her as a wise, intelligent, cunning and charismatic woman. One of the knights feels duty bound and agrees to marry her. 

After their wedding, right before they are about to go to bed together, the knight starts crying (That's just sad right there.) The ugly woman explains that she doesn't want to be ugly...she is cursed, she can be beautiful, or she can be an intelligent and wise.

She gives him the choice. "Which would you want me to be?" 

The Husband-knight thinks about it for some time, but can't decide what he wants. Ultimately, he defers to her judgement.

"I think you should choose." He says.

What does she choose????

(DRUMROLL!!!)

...........................................................................................................................................

(She chooses both, silly!)

She chooses the to be both beautiful and intelligent (...because that somehow is allowed by the curse...but only if he defers to her. Go figure.)

They live happily ever after...

My conclusion:

I think that Knight really, really wanted like...a normal looking wife. I mean, maybe he got to know her her personality and charisma a little bit before they got married but that's not what induces a guy to marriage (it may be what keeps a guy in marriage though). By giving him the choice, the ugly wife made him recognize that his judgement was not infallible. If he tried to control her for either end, he would regret it later.

(This next part is purely my opinion)>>>I don't care what the "Ugly Woman" professes in the story, she "cursed" herself. If you want a man to love you for your intellect, you have to prove to him how smart you are. She definitely proved that. Kudos, My Loathly Lady!

5) A Scandal in Bohemia by Sir Arthur Conan-Doyle

(http://humon.deviantart.com/art/Irene-Adler-and-Godfrey-Norton-291687052)

One-Liner Version: Irene gets what she wants.

My Take On The Story: Unfortunately, no film adaption I've seen quite captures the remarkable Irene Adler as well as the original short story. They focus on the fact that Sherlock becomes enamored with her (kind of) and invent a love story for the two.

Irene is not a villainess. She's been an "Adventuress", living life for the kicks (sing at the opera, travel the world, hang out as consort to a powerful political figure.) And now, she's finally met the right man and she's ready to settle down. 

Blackmail is just the practical thing to do...

She doesn't got head-to-head with Sherlock in this story...she doesn't need to. She's too busy getting ready to be married! 

My conclusion: Sherlock might have come to idealize her, but the feeling was not reciprocated.  She "Found a better man than him." in her husband Godfrey. 

Here are a few more good short stories that I like (But don't worry, I won't talk about them), here they are:

• Some Words With A Mummy by Edgar Allan Poe.

• I Am A Zombie Filled With Love by Isaac Marion.

• I Sing the Body Electric by Ray Bradbury (actually this is a collection of short stories, my favorite is the one where the woman gives birth to the baby who looks like a blue pyramid...I'm serious! It was really good!)

Enjoy!

What's Doctor Who?

It all started a little under two years ago now. When I re-started a Tumblr account and frequenting Pinterest....Then some people I've met in real life start whispering, "Doctor Who."

Me being the inquisitive person I am...

Made the dreaded mistake...

I asked the question...

THE QUESTION THAT MUST NEVER BE ANSWERED!!!! OR SILENCE WILL FALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!

Me: "What's Doctor Who?" 

Response from internet people: "OOOOOHHHHH GUUUURRRLLL U DONt kNOOWWW??" 

Me: "Well, yeah. I don't know. What is it?" 

Internet People: GUURRRRLLL!!!!!

Me: 

                                                     I shouldn't be here :(

^ This response was only slightly better then the response from humans in the wild. (Which is usually a blank stare, or they look away dismissively. Presumably because I don't worship at the Altar of the Fandom-God)

                                     You thought I was kidding, didn't you? Ha! I wish.

Now that I've watched most of the new series, I'd like to get the truth out there so curious people like me can get some straight answers without getting shunned by friends (or attacked by the fandom-mob).

• Doctor Who is a television program. It fits firmly into the Science-Fiction/Drama category. 
• It's made by British people and most of the actors are British  (its' actually a laugh to see how they think of other countries, particularly America, in some of the episodes)
• It's a fun show. Along the lines of the old-school Star Trek and Twilight Zone. If you've watched LOST (I have) you won't have any problem understanding the time-travel aspect of the show.  Lots of adventure, mystery, intrigue. Some humor and silliness. 
•  It's a fairly clean program. (Especially when compared to American programming counterparts) More on this below.
•  It has its thought provoking moments. Like "Star Trek", "Twilight Zone" and "LOST" there is frequently and emotional solution to a complex scientific problem. Self-sacrifice is praised and hope a midst adversity is a big theme. 

A few other things you should know:

1) If you watch the show, and find it's not your style that's OK.

2) If you watch the show and don't like it when the writer/director/actors change, you don't have to continue watching the show. And you certainly don't have to go on Tumblr and complain about it how "horrible" it's gotten when it's really just a matter of your opinion. (Though I certainly won't stop you, I just feel it's a waste of your time.)

3) Doctor Who is a mostly family friendly program. But that doesn't stop mild swear words and violence from occurring. Also issues relating to various types of sexuality are frequently explored.

I'd recommend pre-viewing it before allowing children to watch. Even though there isn't a lot of explicit stuff, some of it is intense. If you wouldn't let your kid watch Twilight Zone, I wouldn't recommend letting them watch Doctor Who.

The Hobbit Stinks!

Visiting Disneyland immediately after the release of the second Lord of the Rings movie was a lot of fun. I remember walking down the side-walk at Downtown Disney, going into the movie-prop shop, to Tomorrowland and basically all over. I wasn't really even paying attention to what we were doing or what rides we were going on because I was too busy discussing invisible bullet-points to “Things that sucked in 'The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers'” with my big brother (and fellow Tolkien fan.)

It went something like this:

“Oh, my gosh. That was so dumb. Faramir didn't try to take Frodo and Sam back to Gondor in the book.”
“I know! he was a totally different character. And the whole thing with him beating up Gollum.”

“Ugh...That was so stupid!”

“Aragon falling over the cliff did not make sense at all.”

“Because there's now way we could like, find out that information except by accident! Not like we sent scouts out or anything.”

“Oh, my gosh! And they totally gutted the Ents.”

“No kidding! They didn't even have Quickbeam!”

(etc. etc)

Eventually, after a few hours of complaining, I came to a realization:

“Hey, CJ? You know, I think we really liked this movie.”

“Yeah," My brother admitted "but it's fun to complain about.”

We didn't really hate the movie, I think that simply by complaining about it we were (in a weird way) celebrating it. It was fun to: 1) “see” your fav. Character on screen, and 2) see a creative person's unique vision of the story (and it was fun to talk about how ours was better!)

In that spirit, I would like to discuss “Things That Sucked About The Hobbit”

• Azog the Goblin Who Was Magically Turned Into An Albino Orc

“Azog...Hmm...that name sounds familiar, I thought the one who killed Thorin's granddad died.” 

*Looks in the book*

“Ooh! He did die. His son Blog would have been the one to pursue the dwarves and fight them in the Battle of Five Armies.”

Boo! Not only did they loose the opportunity to expand the role of the goblin armies, they also lost the opportunity to explore them as sentient (albeit corrupt) beings. The roles could have been reversed a bit, with Blog trying to take revenge on the people who killed his father. That would have actually been true and it would have led up to the climax of “The Hobbit” better then side-stepping what Tolkien wrote.

• Thorin “Grumpy-pants” Oakenface

I understand what they were trying to do, and in a way I think they did it too well. Thorin Oakenshield is the most broody, majestic dwarf ever. While I think (especially after reviewing the Appendicies on him...but that will take up a whole post!) this is fairly consistent with Tolkien's vision of the character, I also think they painted him a bit too one dimensionally. Thorin knows how to have fun when he wants, and while he might be prejudiced, he is not racist and DOES NOT hate ALL the elves.

• Dwarves V. Elves

As with the previous heading, I understand they were trying to develop the antagonism between dwarves and elves. And establishing the darker, somewhat self-serving nature of elves by having the Wood-Elves show up right when the dragon takes over the Lonely Mountain and turn around and leave without an explanation was a nice touch. Makes me hope that Thorin goes completely crazy when the Wood-Elf king does the complete opposite for humans once the

(spoiler alert)

The dragon is killed.

(end spoiler)

:P

Emotionally, it evokes sympathy for the Dwarves and prejudice against elves. Practically though, it doesn't make sense that the wealthy Party-King Thranduil would be willing to render military aid (before he knew it was a dragon) but NOT be willing to render assistance to helpless refugees of a allied nation.

• Sauruman the Stick-In-The-Mud

I don't really have a big problem with the whole White Council scene (Except for the fact that its boring and takes away time from Bilbo and the Dwarves that could have been way more entertaining and establish Bilbo's relationship with the elves and contrast it with that of the Dwarves. Which in turn would establish Bilbo as even more of an outsider and out of his element, so much so that he doesn't mind being teased cuz' he knows it's all in good fun. And that the Elves are basically good-natured but except for a few like Lindir. (really deserves it's own bullet point, I guess))

Seriously! I wish the would have shown Saruman as an amiable guy. He's supposed to be someone Gandalf thought he could turn to in a time of need, someone who has all answers. Now they paint him as that bossy guy Gandalf can barely stand to be around. And you (the viewers) are like... “Well of course Saruman turned evil! He's a prick!” 

Take note! Everyone Gandalf tries to help thinks he is a prick! EVERYONE in freaking LAKETOWN thinks Bard is a nay-saying prick RIGHT before they make him their liege-lord.

The “good guys=nice/bad guys=mean” may seem convenient to the narrative of the story but it doesn't ring true...or even work particularly well.

• Mirror Imaging (*Jazz hands*)/Foreshadowing
  
  
  
  
  

It's not that I don't appreciate starting the Hobbit at the beginning of Fellowship of the Ring, it's great to tie them together and there is a pre-exisiting link, as Bilbo is writing down the story in Fellowship of the Ring's Extended Version anyways.

Also

There are some parallels that are organically a part of the Hobbit/Rings franchise. Whether it is “Expected” or “Unexpected”, there is going to be a party in both stories. And, of course, you can't cross middle earth without making a pit-stop in Rivendell. And if you try to cross over (not under) the Misty Mountains there is going to be a storm and your travel plans will be diverted. Eventually eagles fly everyone into the sunset/sunrise but not to the Lonely Mount Doom because even though they're afraid of human shepherds, but not of orc/goblin armies. Nope...

(Ahem...)

However,

Peter Jackson took the visual imagery to the extreme, causing some awkward moments. I'm thinking particularly of when Bilbo puts on the ring the first time. Like in the book, Bilbo is a bit OCD and we see Bilbo running with his hand in his pocket so the ring doesn't fall out.

It would be perfectly natural for him to simply slip on the ring at that point. It would be more secure on his finger, he wouldn't worry about loosing it so much. But, no....

BECUZ we MUST MATCH THE OTHER MOVIE PRECIOusSSSSSSSSS!!!!

• Music

I'm not talking about the songs sung by the dwarves etc. I actually really enjoyed those. I'm talking about the musical score; much of which is re-used from FOTR. I undertand using “The Shire” music, and some of the character themes, what I hate is when they use the exact same music overlay over a completely different moment.

For instance, when Thorin takes on the Azog the Albino Orc they play the same music played in FOTR's Weathertop...you know...when Frodo gets stabbed by the Witch-king and Aragon comes and chases them away.

The same low base beats (goes like this: Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun—Dun dun dun dun dunnnnnnn) Completely different moments! For Thorin, this is a highly-emotional personal battle and for the Hobbit'sin FTOR it's about escaping an eminent threat. It's pretty distracting when the same emotion is being played in the background.

Conclusion:

Ultimately, I think they did exactly what I was afraid they would do with the film: make it so grand and epic you loose sight of the personal journey of Bilbo becoming a better man/Hobbit.

In the book, Bilbo really is helpless: he doesn't even know how to climb a tree, he can't as fast as the dwarves (sometimes they even take turns carrying him) so much so that, when he reveals himself to be capable to great heroism, cunning, (and treachery) it's a huge surprise because no one would have suspected him of it.

Did that stop me from enjoying the film? No. I did enjoy Peter Jackson's version,  I just like mine better.  

Perfect Enough

*(Note: this post refers to an events that actually happened. I have taken care not to mention names.)

When I was still new to the world, I remember having a conversation with God.

It came after my mother had said something about the boys I went to church with being my potential future-husband. It really didn't sit well with me because these guys were unkind to me and I didn't like them very much. 

I had thought long and hard, even at a young age, (because that's what you do when you're a young female mormon) about the kind of man I would marry. And I decided he would have to be different from any boy I had ever yet met.

Then I prayed.

My prayer went like this: “God, these guys really aren't nice to me. I don't like them. And I just want you to know that I'm not going to get married unless it's real and we're in love and he's a really really good guy who's meant for me.”

I remember feeling at peace about the whole situation and I felt like it was God telling me, “That's a good idea! Don't worry, I got it all figured out.”

It kind of came as a shock to me. (“I guess God doesn't want me to marry someone I don't love either.”)

Growing up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are taught about the importance of marriage and family bonds. The common consensus is that if you are “good enough” of a saint, you will be able to marry any other saint who is “good enough” because your relationship will be God-centered. I have heard sentiments such as this reflected in many different situations throughout my church activity.

The idea is that if you love God, you will be able to love everybody...and if you love everybody...you will be able to marry anybody.

I understand where this idea comes from; it's a perversion of church doctrine, with just enough truth in it to fool most church members into accepting at face value.

For years, I believed that if I simply was a “good enough” person I would “fall-in-love-and-get-married” and everything would work out. Then one day, God gave me a better understanding of the humanity.

It happened at a Relief Society Meeting (Which is comprised entirely of women) on a Sunday afternoon.

The teacher was a girl about my age, maybe a few years younger. She was talking about her own difficulties in dating.

She shared some wisdom her father had told her, to illustrate about how conduct influences our perception of a person.

She related what her father had told her about what had attracted him to her mother.

• “Honestly, If I had seen your mother holding a Coke, I probably wouldn't have been interested.”

This was a huge eye-opener. I truly started to worry, because...

Because...

I drink Dr. Pepper.

If a “good enough” Mormon boy won't consider a girl who drinks Coke, what is going to entice him into an amiable and potentially romantic relationship with a Dr. Pepper drinker?

I mean, doesn't the very act of holding a can of a caffeine containing beverage scream “BAD MOTHER, BAD WIFE, BAD ETERNAL COMPANION. DON'T LOOK AT HER, DON'T LOKATHER, DDOOONN'T LOKAAT HER!!!!!!

RRHHHUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” ??????

Then, I started thinking more about my life...and the other things that would make me a bad wife and mother in the eyes of“good enough” Mormon boys:

• What if they find out I want to keep my last name when I marry?

• What if they find out that I want my daughters to inherit their mother's last name?

• What if they find out that when I find a song I like, I listen to the same song, again, and again...until everyone around me is sick of it...and I still like it?

• What if they find out that I want my hypothetical children to be home-schooled also?

• What if they find out that I swear more often then I should?

• What if they find out I like Linkin Park?

• What if, someday, they found out that I actually want to travel to places I've never been before and meet people who are different then me?

• What if they found out that I want my hypothetical husband and hypothetical children to have that experience as well?

• What if they found out about my years of reading and writing crummy fan-fiction?

• What if they find out I played W.o.W?

• What if they found out I believe in Karma?

• What if they found out that I touch people's genitals almost every day work and don't get aroused by it at all?

• What if they find out about a thousand other little things about me and realize that I LIKE myself because of these things?

One thing is for sure, Hypothetical Husband “probably wouldn't be interested” in me if I'm not perfect.

I “probably wouldn't be interested” in a guy like that either!

So, you see, I'm facing a bit of a paradox: I'm not perfect enough to get married to the kind of guy I want to get married to. And even if I was, I probably wouldn't want to marry him.

It was a hard pill to swallow, but I'm glad I know now. I feel wiser. And ready for the rest of my life if celibacy.

Truthfully, I still believe that everything will “Work out”. But for some of us, that won't mean marriage.

I may never have a romance, but I'm blessed with love in my life. I may never have a marriage, but I am blessed with a family. I may never get pregnant or bear children, but I do have children in my life (Special thanks to some of those nine siblings I mentioned earlier;-)). I am blessed to be able to live some of the dreams that God had planted in my heart to perform.

And that's (good) enough. :)

Walking and Writing

Last month I tried to train for a mini-marathon I'm doing a few months from now. Unfortunately Flower the Dog who follows me whenever I go walking or jogging almost got her head ripped off by a group of dogs as a result.

Stupid effing dog! I didn't do a lot of working out after that. I'll have to find a different way to do that...

This month I want do something for writing. Not a lot of writing...maybe just 31 500 word stories...one for each day. I've been thinking about it and I think it's something that will help me do better at writing.

Here is my first little ficlet:

 Dro dropped me off at the hotel told me to wait, he told me he'd be there soon. Liar.

I gave our names at the door and caught the blue eye of a freckle-faced young woman, her face promptly flushed with red and turned away from me. In my own ignorant way, I attributed this to local norms, perhaps they have an aversion to eye contact. It could have been so, I don't know, I'd never been to The Isles before.

I was still wearing the jumpsuit with the logo on it, it surprised me that they even let me in without asking for identification. This should have tipped me off, but I was younger then and I can definitely say this experience taught me a few things.

The staff welcomed in to a “suite” which is kind of like a really nice house that was stacked on top of other houses. It was the most beautiful room I'd ever seen; clean and white, with a fireplace and a balcony with a view of the ocean.

It is also funny, though now in an entirely non-humorous way, I didn't feel tether anymore. No longer did I feel it eating at my back, I thought I was free.

I took of my jacket and noticed something different. It felt different. I removed the upper-half of my jumpsuit and immediately realized why Dro needed to get me new clothes.

Somehow great cuts of meat had attached themselves to my skeleton leaving great ripples on my arms, chest, back, stomach...everywhere. That wasn't the only change, my skin was two shades lighter. My eyes an even shade of brown. I blinked and touched my arm where the bulbus pocket of flesh was. It didn't hurt, but it didn't feel like it was a part of me either. He said I would like it, but I didn't I liked being a tall teenager with extra long limbs, large hands, uneven skin tone. That was a normal body. This body was a freak.

“You.” I said waving a finger at my reflection, as if glare back guiltily. “I hate you.”

My mind started racing, I started doing some ritualistic activity, the type of thing I always used to do at home when situations seemed out of my control. Dro's clothing was organized by color (which was had because almost all of his clothing is brown or gray). My jump-suits were folded neatly, the room was immaculately clean. The only thing dirty was my skin which I realized would probably look even more pale when the layers of dirt were removed.

Dro had some explaining to do when he got back.

It wasn't until I was in the shower that I realized he wasn't coming. It wasn't long after that, that I stopped thinking.

Looking back, I realize I should have thought a little more. I should have wondered why he'd sent me in alone, I shouldn't have assumed he was just parking the car. It should have crossed my mind that he could have sent me in to hurt someone, it was the first time I'd simply done as he told me. My first mistake.

I could feel his thoughts of things so alien I can't explain as we walked down a long hallway and knocked on a door.  

Katniss' Kitty-Mommy

Remember my previous post about pro-life and pro-choice and how it was all about a lack of responsibility in our society?

Well, It turns out I'm just as guilty as everyone else.

 Here I was, preaching about the pros and cons of birth control and how education just wasn't cutting down pregnancy rates, I didn't even notice...

(I close my eyes, shake my head and sigh in severe self loathing and shame)

Katniss...Katniss was pregnant, and pretty far along.

I live in a two-story house. I occupy an upstairs studio and my grandmother uses the first story. When I got her, Katniss was intended to be an indoor cat. I wanted her to stay upstairs in my studio apartment when I'm not home. However, when I am gone Katniss gets lonely and my grandma will let her roam around outside.

At first I would try to explain to my grandmother that Katniss couldn't go galavanting outside because she was not spayed. Grandma would invulnerably say "Oh, yes, we don't want her to get pregnant." And yet, she would persist in the behavior that I EXPLICITLY ASKED HER NOT TO DO!

It got to the point to where I would would be downstairs with Katniss doing laundry or something and GRANDMA goes over and opens the FRONT DOOR! GAAAAHHHH.

What did I do? Did I buy a pen and keep her upstairs all the time? Did I spend the money and effort to take her in to get fixed?

No, I was too busy with school and work. I didn't want to think about it.

Then Katniss is sitting on my lap with this stomach porturding  out of either side. I can feel that it's not normal cat stomach, it's baby-kitties inside her.

Initially I was very, very, extremely reluctant to terminate the pregnancy. Babies aren't supposed to die. They're supposed to grow! I agonized over knowing that I couldn't care for a liter of baby kitties, and that fact...babies...even non-human ones...are NOT supposed to die.

I think my family was ultimately proud of my big girl decision to have her be spayed and the pregnancy ended. Still I am a bit ashamed to say I didn't even do that part myself, except to make an appointment to have my sister take Katniss and Tigerlily (My dad's "Outdoor" cat who also lives in my house) to get spayed.

I think I did the right thing, I know I couldn't have cared for a litter of kitties and I couldn't have found them homes. But the thing that still gets me is that I wasn't a responsible kitty-mommy. Because the REAL "Right Thing" to do was to get her spayed while she was still young. Which I didn't do.

January Sans Soda

Last month I went without soda.

February first I forgot that I could have soda, and still ordered water. I didn't feel like I went without, it was actually really nice. :D

This month I want to do something with walking, which I don't think I'll be able to do every day. But it would be nice to set a goal for miles of walking.

What do you think?