A Very Austen Valentine's: Pride and Prejudice

Apologies in advance for making a post about Pride and Prejudice and avoiding the formidable Mr Darcy for much of it.


You can look up socially awkward Mr Darcy screenshots and you'll have a pretty good idea of what I think of him as a character. I like him, but I'm not particularly fascinated by him (maybe because I relate to him a little much idk...)

The biggest thing that separates Mr Darcy from the Average Joe is that Mr Darcy's got money and he's soooooo into you (that's a hypothetical you, assuming "you" are a certain Bennet sister).


Pride and Prejudice is mostly about the Bennet family. The main dilemma of the story is that because all of the Bennet's kids are girls, whoever of the daughters is unmarried at Dad-Bennet's death will be completely destitute.

In the story, Dad-Bennet is not eminently sick. He's not even of a sickly constitution, so it's not like a race against time or anything; we're not expecting him to die during the book (though I personally think that would be a facinating aspect to explore so all you fanfic writers should get on it!).

To modern readers (ie. me) this whole scenario seems contrived, and throughout the story we even meet women who have inherited their parent's estate (Mr Darcy's Aunt even talks about it). In the book though, I feel like Ms Austen really invites you to explore the characters and find what actually created this whole situation:

Mr and Mrs Bennet 

Mom-Bennet reads like a standard textbook hypochondriac until you realize that in the society she lives in (where women's options for work, commerce and livelihood are extremely limited) those concerns are actually completely valid.

Dad-Bennet reads like a really laid back, laissez faire style parent. The cool dad who trolls his wife practically every time they talk to each other. But actually the way Austen explains it it seems more like he's overwhelmed with his failures in life. Like, he married this pretty girl and assumed it would work out; they're still married but they ended up having such drastically different temperaments that the only way he know how to talk to her is by trolling.

And all the while, as his kids were growing up, he had the chance to fix the inheritance problem and he knew it...but he didn't because it would have required effort, and he thought "Oh, We'll just have another kid and this time it'll be a boy and he can take care of it." 

So while I find it amusing that he can sit there and troll everyone, I also recognize that he's the low-key instigator and aggravator of most of the Bennet-Kid's problems.

This is actually where most of the intrigue of the story is for me.

It starts out seeming like a comedy of manners and then you get to the human-intrigue side: The harried and overbearing mom, the laid-back and seemingly disinterested dad, the couple who doesn't know how to communicate, and their kids who are caught in the middle of it all...

They could have lived in the regency era, 200 years ago, or it could be happening right now.

[Do you know a Mr Bennet? Do you know a Mrs Bennet? How/do they make their relationship work?]


Here's the first bit of Jane Austen's relationship advice for you married people:

Your personality differences will not just go away, and you can't expect your partner to change just because you're married.

and

No, Having Another Child Will Not Fix Anything. 

Jane and Charles

Because they grew up watching their parent's dysfunctional relationship, the two older Bennet siblings are a bit more cautious about the way they approach courtship and matrimony. They know it's not all about money, and it's not all about how you feel when you're around a guy. You also have to be compatible with each other on a personality level to make it work.

Jane is the oldest Bennet sister and she's super pretty and kind...

 (Like the human incarnation of Fluttershy)

but she's painfully shy.  When she was younger she had guys flocking to her, but she didn't know how to respond.(It's almost like kid's and she needed to learn about themselves and get to know what they like in a partner before making a lifelong commitment but idk..)

 Now she's 22, and through a bit of haggling on her mother's part, she meets the hot new neighbor: Charles Bingley.

They meet at a party and they hit it off really well. They enjoy being around each other; talking and dancing, and it looks like a sweet little relationship is budding. They haven't been outwardly affectionate (like, touched hands without gloves on or anything) they haven't told each other about their feelings or anything yet (Jane's too shy for that!).

They're just at the tender, early phase of a relationship where (in Austen's vernacular) an acquaintance is starting to become an attachment: They enjoy being together, so if they happen to be in the same general area, they seek each other out.

In one chapter, Jane's sister Elizabeth and their friend Charlotte Lucas watch the couple together and talk about how it's so nice that it is that Jane's finally found a special somepony, and Charlotte gives some elderly-sister type advice:

`It is sometimes a disadvantage to be so very guarded (shy). If a woman conceals her affection [...] she may lose the opportunity of fixing him. [...]  there are very few of us who have heart enough to be really in love without encouragement. In nine cases out of ten, a woman had better shew more affection than she feels. Bingley likes your sister undoubtedly; but he may never do more than like her, if she does not help him on.''

Elizabeth, understandably, thinks this this is a bit weird because Jane only met the guy two weeks ago and...

And then Charlotte drops this bombshell (seriously, Charlotte's got the best lines in the whole book):


"Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. [Even] if the dispositions of the parties are ever so well known to each other, or ever so similar before-hand." 

Basically Charlotte goes on to say that it doesn't matter how long two people date, because (in Regency society) whenever they talk to each other, it will be in public. She could study him a year and still not know him on the inside because she's never been with him when he was alone. And even if she somehow did get to know him that intimately before marriage, it still wouldn't guarantee that he won't change over time once you get married.

"Couples always contrive to grow sufficiently unlike afterwards to have their share of vexation; and it is better to know as little as possible of the defects of the person with whom you are to pass your life.''

At this point Elizabeth just assumes Charlotte's being sarcastic 

(***Spoiler alert: She's not****) 

and says:

``You make me laugh, Charlotte; but it is not sound. You know it is not sound, and that you would never act in this way yourself.''


(Au contraire!)

As time goes on, Jane and Charles get closer and closer and it seems like things are finally starting to get serious. And then Charles moves away suddenly...Now, Jane and Charlie were never officially together, they were just hanging out whenever they could, but Jane still feels all sad and guilty...like she's done something wrong, because feelings...

And she confides in her sister Elizabeth:

Jane: Did I do something wrong? 

Elizabeth: No! You're friggin' awesome

Jane: Did he not like me?

Elizabeth: No, he was totally into you.

Jane: Did I not make it clear that I like him?

Elizabeth:...maybe.

This is the part where I really love Jane. Like, she's super shy and not demonstrative at all. And she's a woman in a society where girls can't even ask guys to dance...but she cares enough about this guy that she's gonna track him down, go to his house and make sure there's no misunderstandings between them. That her intentions were clear and that she low-key really liked him.

Unfortunately, a lot of the Jane and Charles relationship turbulence is left to our imagination. We have Jane recounting what happened when she visited Bingley's apartment in London, and of course we have Darcy's account of why Bingley left in the first place, but it's all very generic information. Jane is kind of a closed person, she keeps a lot of things private, and Darcy (while honest) is prideful: he presents information in a way that's gonna reflect on him in the best light possible.

But we don't know exactly how things went down, but when I imagine it in my head it goes like this:

Charles BFFs (including his sister Caroline, and Mr Darcy) notice he's going crazy about this new girl and decide to stage an intervention...

(^^Charles is in the Hercules Role, Darcy is Philoctetes. 

Only in the end, Darcy convinces him the object of his

 affection doesn't love him back)

(Charles: "The point is I LOVE her!" 

Darcy: "She don't love you!"<<< It's just way more dramatic than anything we get in the story, but it's AWESOME *squeee*)

Weirdly enough, one of the things I really like about this ship is how fragile it is at the start. Like, I think that's how most people fall in love:

People like to pretend that love is this powerful force that controls our lives but really we choose who we decide to give our hearts to. And our life choices are influenced by a lot of things, most of which are actually pretty practical and mundane and not romantic at all. 

(^^Another of Jane Austen's Life Lessons FYI)

I mentioned earlier Charlotte Lucas' Unsolicited Relationship Advice (see the blue text above). And if you're like me, it sounds like complete bogus, but actually Charlotte gets to put it in practice with her man....

Charlotte and Mr Collins

Mr William Collins is Elizabeth and Jane Bennet's obscure relative who's going to inherit their dad's estate when he dies.

I like to think that if Ms. Austen wrote Pride and Prejudice today, she'd treat him with a little more generosity, because she really doesn't mince words about this poor guy. 

Don't get me wrong: he is a pretty deliciously conceited dude, but a lot of the fun poked at him is because of what we would probably call a developmental disability today:

"Not a sensible man" "Deficiency of nature...little assisted by education or society...weak head."

A lot of film depictions show him as a late-thirties, early forties looking dude. But really he wasn't that much older than Jane in the story. So, he's still a young man who's spent most of his life "under the guidance of an illiterate and miserly father [...] the subjection in which his father had brought him up had given him originally a great humility of manner."

(^^But it's clear she doesn't mean real humility. The way she uses it sounds more like he was acutely self-consciousness, to the point of being socially inhibited.)

who went to school and even got a degree, "without forming [...] any useful acquaintance"

He's only successful in life because by pure luck: He got a job as a parson just by kissing-up to the right person at the right time, and he just happens to be the the only male heir in the Bennet clan. 

But actually, even that makes him feel guilty! (Seriously, this is another Austen character Fanfic writers could write their own novel about).

And it's partly this guilt (as well as his Employers insistence that he find a wife and get married) that he decides to pay a visit to his future estate. He decides he can marry one of the girls who's inheritance he is robbing, so he won't have to feel too bad about it.

Kind of a "You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours" kind of thing. The problem is, he marches in to their home and treats them like he's god's gift to Longbourn, and expects that all the Bennet sisters will be clambering to marry him

(***SPOILER ALERT***: He is incorrect...)

So, after getting rejected, Mr Collins is a sobbing mess. He went in to this situation with (what he thought were) altruistic motives: duty, honor etc. (it's all he really talks about when he proposes to Lizzie) but by his behavior, it seems more like he's just really lonely. He wants to be in love, so he'll imagine himself in love with anyone who pays him attention.

(Except Mary Bennet, the only one who would have actually taken him)

So as Mr Collins is dealing with this heartbreak, obviously no one wants to leave him alone in case he does something stupid...but no one really wants to be around him either. Fortunately the Lucus family comes over to visit and it's a great detraction for everyone...esspecially Collins because he meets Charlotte.

Charlotte Lucas recognizes this as the opportunity of a lifetime. At twenty-seven years old, she's the only Austen heroine (albiet a secondary one) who is older than her romantic counterpart. She puts in to practice the philosophy she prescribed for Jane Bennet:

"In nine cases out of ten, a woman had better shew more affection than she feels. [If she is to secure a man.]"

So gives him a shoulder to cry on, and bees all super sympathetic to his problems, probably listens to his whole life story...

(I like to think that this is a blessing for Charlotte. I mean, she's the one who said you could study a man a year and still not know what makes him tick, and here Mr Collins spills it all out for her. Charlotte knows exactly what she's getting herself into before she says yes.)

I didn't initially think much of their whole proposal scene: Where Mr Collins "Escape[d] out of Longbourn House the next morning with admirable slyness, and hasten to Lucas Lodge to throw himself at her feet. [...] Miss Lucas perceived him from an upper window as he walked towards the house, and instantly set out to meet him accidentally in the lane. But little had she dared to hope that so much love and eloquence awaited her there."

But then I realized it sounds a lot like this:

Despite all the romantic theatrics, Austen never puts us under the illusion that these two have a genuine romance connection:

"Miss Lucas, who accepted him solely from the pure and disinterested desire of an establishment, cared not how soon that establishment were gained."

"She had gained her point, and had time to consider of it."

"Her reflections were in general satisfactory: Mr. Collins to be sure was neither sensible nor agreeable; his society was irksome, and his attachment to her must be imaginary. But still, he would be her husband." 

"Without thinking highly either of men or of matrimony, marriage had always been her object; it was the only honourable provision for well-educated young women of small fortune, and however uncertain of giving happiness, must be their pleasantest preservative from want. This preservative she had now obtained; and at the age of twenty-seven, without having ever been handsome, she felt all the good luck of it."

A lot of modern readers find this situation a bit sad. The interesting thing to me is that Charlotte doesn't see it that way at all. For her, happiness in marriage may be "entirely a matter of chance" but happiness outside of marriage is no happiness at all...this is her chance at happiness and she took it. 

Later on, after Lizzie gets over the shock of her best friend marrying a guy she can't stand, Lizzie goes to their house and all though the first bit of their visit she's watching for some sign from Charlotte that she's unhappy in what she's chosen: to gawk at him when he says something stupid. or roll her eyes in second-hand embarrassment, or shirk way from her obviously repulsive spouse when he touches her. But she never does, because despite their differences Charlotte and Mr Collins have a true partnership: they respect each other, they support each other, and they seem pretty happy with their lives. 

Which brings us to our last Jane Austen Life Lesson:

The things that will make you happy are not always what would make another person happy. 

Choose What Makes You Happy

A Very Austen Valentine's: Persuasion

Most of Jane Austen's Heroines are young-ish girls who are just coming of age. Persuasion is unique in that it's about a woman who is already grown up and (by regency standards) past her prime.

Anne Elliot, the eldest daughter of an English Nobleman has had the misfortune of remaining unmarried and unattached to the advanced age of (collective ghasp) Twenty-SEVEN Years Old!

It's not like Anne hasn't had her chances, though. When she was 19 she fell in love with this guy named Wentworth and their relationship got really, really serious: He even asked her to marry him, and she was gonna say yes! Then Anne, being a little nervous and uncertain, confided in her best friend/mother figure who convinced her break off with him. 

The reason she shouldn't marry him? He's got no money, and he's not a nobleman. Making their relationship public would ostracize her from her whole family, she would go from a Baron's standard of living to complete destitution. 

Lady Russell: Do you really wanna open that can of worms, Anne?

The answer, to 19 year old Anne Elliot, is no. 

So the break up, and poor young Wentworth takes it hard. 

And with all his angst and pent up sexual frustration...

he enlists in the Navy!

Fast Forward 8 years and Colonel Frederick Wentworth has traveled across the world, seen all sorts of things his old girl-friend back home has probably never dreamed of, had all sorts of sea-faring adventures and harrowing experiences. He's become confident, he's made a name for himself, and (most importantly) he's become independently RICH!!

The years have been less kind to Anne. She did, presumably, have a few other suitors after she dumped Wentworth (one of them even ended up married to her little sister) but the whole marriage thing never really worked out. Now she's an adult (Twenty-Seven-Year-Old ) woman, still living with her father, in a household that is rapidly becoming bankrupt by her father's failed schemes, surrounded by a family that treats her like a doormat. 

Most of the story deals with Anne in this state. Not in a "Oh-you-should-totally-feel-sorry-for-me" way, but we as readers really have to live in her situation: with petty, histrionic relatives who don't give a shit about you, but are ready to unload all of their garbage the minute you walk in the door. People who dominate your time because they assume you've got nothing to do. Really, that's the bit that made it hardest to read for me. 

Into this mess, walks Anne's old flame. At this point Anne is pretty much a spinster, no one wants her because she's old. But just like today, guys only get hotter with age. (And it's totally acceptable for a girl in British Regency society to marry some one significantly older than she is; older-male just acts as a sugar-daddy until his much-younger female companion magically transforms into a humble housewife. Also you can marry your cousin, but we'll get to that later.)

Wentworth is a Babe!! And he starts prominently hitting on all the younger, available girls in Anne's immediate vicinity. Pays absolutely no attention to Anne, and later on lets this slip to one of his side-chicks: 

Wentworth: Wait, that was Anne?

 Anne Elliot? 

Whoa! She got OLD!

If it were me I don't know how I'd feel about this whole situation, but Anne feels a weird combination of guilt and curiosity. Interested to see what Wentworth has made of himself, and regret that she didn't choose a relationship with him over her family. 

To me, the most fascinating part of this book is how it deals with this regret. I think almost everyone who goes through life is gonna have a similar experience at some point. Despite what she feels now, she knows that the decision she made at the time was a sound one. Nineteen-year-old (-ish) Wentworth could have ended up a complete deadbeat husband who felt entitled and cheated that his wife's family wouldn't give up the dowry she was owed. It is also quite reasonable that the 19-year-old Baroness-in-waiting would have gotten fed up with what she'd traded her then-comparatively luxurious life for. Neither of them could have foreseen what life had in store for them. Anne cant even blame Lady Russell for giving her what turned out to be the crappiest advice of her life, because she knew it was sound council and given in good faith. 

Anne doesn't blame anyone, but that doesn't stop her from wishing she could go back in time and persuade 19-year-old-Anne to make a different choice. 

For me, this is among the most profound of Jane Austen's Life Lessons:

(^^And no, that is not a direct Austen quote, but it does sum it up nicely.)

You can't change what you did in the past, you can only chose what you do now.

Luckily, Anne is more than what other people think about her. She's intelligent assertive, she has nerves of steel, and can keep cool in stressful situations like nobody's business. She also has complete control of her emotional faculties, which is one reason it takes so long for the whole situation with Wentworth to come to a boil. 

Some people seem to act like Wentworth's behavior in most of the book is kind of testing the waters to see if Anne is still interested in him. But in his mind, he's showing her how completely OVER her he really is. 

Kinda like:

(^^Look at me now, Anne. I'm so hawt now...Love me Anne plz!)

Eventually, it's neither his behavior, nor her longing that brings them back together. It's a conversation Anne has with a mutual friend about his sister who died, and his brother-in-law (his sister's widow) get's re-married right after. They talk about bereavement and how people deal with it in different ways. And Wentworth (who is listening in on this whole conversation he's got nothing to do with) goes, "Oh, crap! She thinks I'm really over her. CRAP I'M NOT OVER HER!!" 

Then he writes her the most romantically charged love letter about how after all these years and everything he's done and accomplished with his life, all those angsty teenage feelings of 19-Year-Old-Fred are still in there, only simmered with 8 years of repressed sexual tension.

Really though, as a book it's not the most romantic. Most of the story deals with Anne's super dysfunctional (and not in an endearing way) family. It's only at the end you can appreciate the unresolved sexual tension.

A Very Austen Valentine's Day: Emma

Sorry this one's gonna not have many pictures because I'm on mobile.

I think it's funny that this is the one of the few Austen stories that the title isn't a place or a principle. This one's just the heroine' name. The only other time she does that is in Lady Susan, and it's because the character is a real livewire.

You do get the feeling in reading this one, that we the readers are supposed to have polarized opinions about this character. And truthfully, she is one of Jane's more eccentric heroine. It's kind of like if each Jane Austen Heroine was an Avenger, Emma Woodhouse would be Tony Stark.

That being said, I do have to disclose that don't really like Tony Stark. I mean, sometimes he'll do something clever or say something funny and it will make me laugh, and I sometimes enjoy his interactions with other characters, but just as an individual person he's not interesting or engaging to me. He's never as clever or funny or charismatic as he thinks he is, and I just don't see his conceitedness as a engaging personal characteristic. 

That's pretty much the way I feel about Emma as well. Unlike most of Jane Austen's Heroines, Emma comes from money and her dad was smart enough to pay the extra money required by the government so he could give all his money and land to his daughters when he dies. Emma's pretty much got it made in Regency England because she's got absolutely no financial incentive to get married!  (So, unless she meets someone really really fantastic she'll just keep the money and house and probably 10 or 12 cats all to herself, thanks.) Her life literally has no drama, so she's got to create it for everyone else.

Emma acts like she is God's gift to Highbury, and people treat her like her opinion matters even though she's kind of an idiot.

This is the Jane Austen story that most reads like a Modern Rom-Com: everything about it seems stupid and frivolous.  Emma takes it upon herself to play Cupid and set up her friends and neighbors into romantic pairings. It works OK for a while, until one of her pet-projects (a girl named Harriet) expresses interest in Emma's Hot Neighbor, then Emma starts seeing Harriet as a rival and gets all threatened.

There's this whole monologue portion where Emma basically goes on a rant: "Ugh...who does Harriet think she is!? I, like, INVENTED her! How DARE she get a crush on a guy I've never expressed any interest in! Friggin traitor! I wish I'd never met her!"

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your point of veiw) we never get to see Emma go full blown be-otch. Discovering her latent feelings for her Hot Neighbor actually solves all of Emma's problems... because OF COURSE Emma's Hot Neighbor loves her back, and of course Harriet is perfectly happy with being a plot device and not a character with her own feelings and story arc.

(For being a story about discovering people aren't your toys, and other people's feelings matter, I feel  like Austen dropped the ball in this part of the story.)

A Very Austen Valentine's: Sense and Sensibility

Sense and Sensibility is about the Dashwood sisters, Elinor and Marianne (but mostly Elinor), and how they make a living for themselves after their dad dies and (Inheritance laws in the 1700's being what they were...) they get evicted from his house.

Surprisingly, a man does not come along and save the day and Elinor has to wear the balls in the family and find them a place to live. She finds a pair of eccentric third-degree relatives who take pity on them and kind of take them in.

Their neighbor-relatives are actually really kind, well intentioned people. They're just really colorful and they try to play matchmaker and set up the girls with their wealthy bachelor-friends.

But at first, Elinor and Marianne are just NOT feeling it. Elinor is still nursing feelings for this guy who she kind of had to leave behind when they moved, and she can't really talk about it (or acknowledge her feelings) because they were never, like, together together, they were just hanging out. And Marianne keeps getting shipped with this military guy who's twice her age.

(That's nice...as in a Mr Tilney type "Nice")

Needlessly to say, they don't think their friends' shenanigans are super fun, but they can't really say much about it because they are letting them live in one of their houses and they kinda really need a place to stay. So they just kind of sit there and tolerate it...

Until Willoughby shows up

I wish there were better gifs available for the moment when Marianne meet's Willoughby, but it goes something like this:

(OK maybe not that last one, but you get the idea...)

Needless to say, Marianne quickly becomes VERY interested in potential courtship situation.

I'm not going to talk at length about Marianne or Elinor's other pairings, but I would like to talk a bit more about Willoughby.

(*Warning: potential spoilers ahead*)

What I find interesting about Willoughby is that he's basically what we'd think a potential guy-friend should be, today. He's charming, chivalrous, and affectionate. He's wealthy, he buys her expensive gifts, and he likes all the same books and music she does. They really hit it off: like in an annoying we-finish-each-others-sentences way. They have chemistry and they spend every free moment together.

Unlike the rest of Austen's Rogues, Jane never tries to explain John Willoughby away as being a false man, or being insincere in his affections. When they're together, he genuinely feels the same gooey-gushy feelings that Marianne does, and when they part he goes through the same gut-wrenching heartbreak.


(Mormonhippie Wispers: But that doesn't stop him from being a douchebag!)


It's interesting to me that it isn't really even his past indiscretions that kept them apart: when Brandon sees how in love he is with Marianne, he's willing to give him the benefit of a doubt.


(A 'Well, maybe he's changed.' kind of thing...)


Ultimately what kept him and Marianne apart was that when it came down to Love vs. Money, Money Won.

Which brings us to two more of Jane Austen's most difficult Life Lessons:

Love doth not conquer all

and

Love doth not fix your character flaws

There are a LOT of things you look at when you contemplate a life-long partnership with someone, affection is only one of those things. And it's important to practice discretion on who you let into your life, and the type of feelings you cultivate for them.

John Willoughby may have had genuine feelings and connection towards Marianne, but he didn't use them to make him a better person. In the end he's still the same selfish, conceited, egotistic person he was before:

In the end, he still can't be happy for Marianne when she finally finds happiness, and even though he is wealthy, he still won't take care of his kid.



Bonus:

It occurred to me when writing this that Marianne and John Willoughby are still going to be neighbors, and that their kids with their respective spouses are going to grow up together.

That's going to be super awkward!

"Hey, Mom. I found these old love letters from when you were dating Da....IS THIS MR WILLOUGHBY'S HANDWRITING?! Did you used to DATE him? EWW!!"