Why Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Sucks

As much as I love the Harry Potter series, I was a bit skeptical about the feasibility of continuing the story at all. I consider the Harry Potter Series to be a monumental achievement in children's literature and I wasn't convinced anything should be added to the story.

So when I went to the Harry Potter and the Cursed Child midnight release, it was mostly on a whim...because I realized I didn't work that night and I had nothing else to do...

I didn't place expectations on it. (Unlike when I went to the Deathly Hallows midnight release...where I'd planned for days, dressed up, and made butterbeer and licorice wands for the occasion, stalked the Barnes and Nobel forums for weeks to read people's theories for what the last installment of Harry Potter had in store, and agonized about what would happen when/if my favorite characters would die.)  

At this point, there are thousands and thousands of fanfictions on what people who've read Harry Potter think should happen to the next generation of Hogwarts students. There is no way this story could've fulfilled all of those expectations. But the cool thing is, JK Rowling and her script-team don't try to. They're too busy giving nods to various fan-theories, explaining various purported "plot holes" in the series, and expounding on some of the themes that went over people's heads six years ago.

As such, this story feels less like an "Eighth Harry Potter" book than a review of the series.

-The Pros:

The strongest parts of the story are when JK Rowling and Co revisit the relationships between familiar characters:

It's enjoyable to see your favorite characters interact in ways they ever got to in the original books. Harry and Draco could never be friends as kids, but in adulthood they can put differences aside and find common ground.

In play format, we get to view the story outside of the confines of Harry Potter's POV, characters like Ron and Severus take on a new light outside of his limited perspective.

At the end of Deathly Hallows, Harry has opinions about parenthood and the type of father he'd like to be, in many ways this story continues his development so it's rewarding to see him struggle to be the best dad that he can be.

-The not-so-bad: 

The Epilogue of Harry Potter and the Dealthly Hallows introduced us to a whole new generation of Hogwarts attendees and a big, sprawling extended family for Harry. Unfortunately, except for Albus and Scorpius, they're largely absent for much of this story. 

Although she seemed to annoy a lot of fans, I really liked Delphi Diggory, not in the least because I wrote a fanfiction character somewhat like her. She's an interesting character, and its unfortunate they only used her as a plot device. 

Even the whole time-travel plot wasn't completely horrible (even though some parts of it felt like a bad Doctor Who episode). 

-The slightly sucky:

The fact that all of the younger characters have this minutely detailed knowledge of things that happened years and years before they were born, knowledge that the can recall and exploit at leisure. (Did they have Tri-Wizard Tournament Trivia night at Malfoy Manor?) Everybody in this story is a freaking 'Harry Potter' Nerd! Gah!

...But the worst part of the story? The part that really made this story suck? 

Is this little jerk right here:

Yes, the most promising character of the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Epilogue and the ONLY Character I could have envisioned as a future protagonist of a second generation "Potter" series is the most annoying and unsympathetic character in the Cursed Child. 

And now, I will explain why:

....Remember [CAPS LOCK HARRY] from The Order of the Phoenix? 

This was Harry Potter at his most annoying. He's all insecure and super hormonal, angry, and confused. And he takes out his anger at all the people closet to him: at Ron and Hermione, Mrs Weasley, Sirius Black  and Albus Dumbledore.

Well, that's pretty much ALL Albus Potter does in this story. 

The problem is, Harry Potter had four books of character development to get him to that point. We knew about his relationships with all of those people: Ron and Hermione had stopped writing to him, Mrs Weasley and Sirius weren't being honest with him, and Dumbledore was avoiding him...

Even if you didn't particularly like Harry Potter during his hormonal-teenage years, you could understand how he felt when the people he loved shut him out.

(...Like his son does in this scene:

(Harry was angry because he felt isolated from the people he cared about, 

Albus is angry because he's not as popular as his dad is.))

Albus Potter never gets the chance to become a sympathetic hero because he gets one transitional scene to convey all of that complicated family dynamic and it just. doesn't. work.

(It just appears as if Harry is making effort after effort, and Albus is being a little shit.)

What bothers me even more is that throughout the story, different characters keep insisting that Albus' personality is sooo different from Harry's and that's why the two don't get along...

I could understand that, if they'd made Albus' neurotic or introverted, or even remotely Slytherin in aspect AT ALL. 

(But then he wouldn't be pushing his father away, but rather looking for ways to exploit his relationship with a famous person)

But they don't. Harry knows what his son is going through, OK? Harry knows what it's like to be lonely, and he's had to deal with people gossiping about him as a kid. What he's forgotten is what it feels like to be insecure. For Albus all those emotions are present. For Harry, they're all a part of his past. 

It's like when you're really worried about something: A date, or not getting a date...a big test at school, or not getting invited to someone who you thought was your friend's birthday party or some such first world problem.  Your parent's are dismissive of your concerns because they went through the same thing when they were your age (only they'll insist it was a million times worse) and they got through just fine. 

^^That would have been true to character. It would have made Albus a little more sympathetic, and it would have been HILARIOUS to watch. 

Unfortunately, the Cursed Child version of that argument just doesn't sting as it should. Partly because they failed to build up Albus and Harry's relationship to where we lament their falling out. Their reunion is less sweet because the relationship that should have been the cornerstone of this entire story was never big enough a deal for us to care about anyway.

Fortunately, there's more to this story than Harry Potter's Garbage Son. 

Like this sweet roll:

(Why didn't they make a scene where he comes over to Grandma Weasley's house for Christmas dinner, and everyone there loves him more than Albus? Now THAT would be realistic!)