Top Ten Tolkien Toons You've Probably Never Heard Of (but are still awesome!) In no particular order...

(Pushes hipster glasses up brim of nose)

• Ioreth the wise woman (Lord of the Rings: Return of the King)

Ioreth is an elderly woman who works in the Houses of Healing. The Battle of Pelenor Fields has just concluded and Gandalf hears this really annoying woman gossiping with her friends about how bad the battle is and wishing they had a king because, "The hands of a king are the hands of a healer."

Gandalf, still listening, realizes this woman is smarter then he gave her credit for because she remembers the prophecy about the "Return of the King". Gandalf realizes that the fulfillment of the prophecy is at hand and goes to get Strider/Aragon to help the healers. This helps the people of Gondor come to know his integrity, not only as a soldier, but as a learned man, a healer, and a leader. 

A lot of other readers I've spoken to say they find her really annoying, because she is depicted very differently from other female characters in this series.  Her chattering annoys Gandalf, at first. She gossips during Aragon's corrination ceremony, and doesn't seem like a particularly heroic figure. She's a regular person who is also a woman, and that is rare in the Tolkien-universe. And that's why I like her.

• Turin (The Children of Hurin)

How can I even begin to describe Turin Turambar? 

He is the Human's answer to "Elves Are Cool!!! Doh!!!"

NO! ELVES ARE NOT COOL! 

Turin 

IS COOL. 

HE Eats Elves for breakfast...Or runs them naked across the forest until they fall off a cliff and die.

(Whatever you do, Do NOT insult Turin's family. Ever.)

Turin is a Tolkien's most tragic hero. He literally has the Satan of Middle-Earth cursing his entire life, working even the most virtuous aspects of his character against him. Through it all, he remains valiant and strong. 

Turin is so hot, Elf-maids are leaving their boyfriends for him. Unfortunately for them, he's looking for a Woman. And he finds one...who just happens  to remind him vaguely of his late father.

• Nienor (The Children of Hurin)

Counterpart to Turin, Nienor is Tolkien's most tragic heroine. Less solemn then Turin, Nienor takes after her proud, valiant (and a bit gutsy) father, whom she has never met. Like Turin, however, she just doesn't abide Elf society. Because she's as tall as a male-elf, she is able to impersonate one in armor (for a while, at least, until her mom rats her out). Because she shares the curse of the Children of Hurin, you know from the start she's not going to get a happy ending.  I felt even worse for her, though, because she was born into the curse and never had a normal, happy life.  

• Alf (AKA. Prentice) 

In "The Smith of Wootton Major." Alf is apprenticed to The Cook of Wootton. He first appears as a kid and ages very slowly. Alf is skilled baker and a hard worker. He's a people watcher. He's very opinionated but mostly keeps his thoughts to himself. When he does speak his mind, he's usually ridiculed for it. His motives are frequently misunderstood. 

The illustrations in the book always show him wearing dark colors in contrast to other characters, and he often comes across as a bit angsty so I've always envisioned him as bit of a Goth. 

I like Alf as a character because I think he "becomes" a human, in the same way that Smith "becomes" a fae. Wootton is an alien world to him, just as fae is to Smith. The people of Wootton (Such as Nokes the new cook) are the strange creatures/monsters he must face. 

• Took Clan Matriarch (Referenced in The Hobbit)

In "The Hobbit" it is explained that the Took family  is different from other Hobbits, it is widely believed that they share ancestry with faeries. Most speculate that one of the members of the Took clan must have taken a Faery to wife. I think that definitely would explain a few things! 

• Fredegar (Fatty) Bolger (The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, and The Return of the King)

 
(Fatty Faces a Dementor Ringwraith)

In The Fellowship of the Ring, there was another Hobbit who knew that Frodo had The Ring. Merry, Pippin, and Fatty knew that Frodo was leaving the Shire on a dangerous mission to destroy the Bilbo's old ring. Merry and Pippin decided to go with Frodo. Fred (Fatty) wasn't much of the adventuring type and stayed behind in attempt to trick the Ringwraiths into thinking Frodo was still in the Shire. Fatty was also a leader of the resistance against Sauruman's regime, imprisoned and nearly starved to death. 

• Imrahil prince of Dol Amroth (The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King)

(I couldn't find any pictures I liked of him. Imrahil is the leader of another army in The Battle of Pelenor Fields. In the movies they make you think it's just Gondor and Rohan, but really there's a whole bunch of smaller domains of men. Dol Amroth is one of them. 

In the books, Legolas meets him and instantly knows he has elf-blood, a reminder that there were more then two intermarriages between elves and humans. Imrahil is a proud warrior and political strategist. Acted as Steward of Gondor after Faramir was injured.

• Feanor (The Silmarillion) 

(this is a picture of him taking on a Balrog because he's just that cool)

One of the first Elves born, Feanors mother died giving birth to him. Her life-energy infused him with almost supernatural powers. Feanor was always kind of the black sheep in his family, His father re-married and had several more children, but only a few of his half-siblings could tolerate him. Feanor was very passionate about art. Made the Silmarils, modeled after the lamps in the heavens, which glowed with life-light. Had the most kids of any elf ever.

It was partly his fault the Silmarils were stolen and the world plunged into darkness. Melkor...the Satan of middle earth...came to power. Feanor and his children spent the rest of their lives trying to defeat Melkor and get the Silmarils back

• Maeglin (The Silmarillion)

(A creepy-stalker elf, but you still feel bad for him.)  

I have a feeling this guy was invented by Tolkien as a response to "Elves-are-perfect-and-can-do-no-wrong." .

Are elves perfect?

NO! Elves are people just like us. 

And Sometimes, they very, very bad people. Half-dark elf and half-Noldor, Maeglin had a bad up-bringing and his dad tried to kill him. 

I totally do not remember the name of the elf chick in Gondolin he had a crush on, or the name of the human guy she ended up with; why would I pay attention to 'yet another human male/elf female character romance' That's boring. A shady elf, that's cool! 

• Gil-Gallad (The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring)

(AKA. Elrond's Boss in The Last Alliance of Elves and Men)

Gil-Gallad was an elven king, of him the harpers sadly sing, the last whose realm was fair and free between the mountians and the sea.

This is the most beautiful of Tolkien's poems. The words just flow out of your mind when you think it, and your mouth when you speak it. It fills you with images of who he must have been and what must have happened to him.

...But long ago he rode away, and where he dwelleth none can say, for into darkness fell his star, in Mordor where the shadows are.

One more....

• Tinuviel (The Silmarillion)

(NOT Arwen.)


Arwen wishes she could grow up to be Luthien Tinuviel!

How did Tinuviel get this cool?

Part of it is genetic. She's half elf and half-Maia (The same thing that Gandalf is.) Wizard. Yeah, Wizard! So she's got awesome coming on both sides of her family.

When her parent's met, it was love at first sight. And they literally spent 1000 years just checking each other out. That's how hot each of them was. 


So SHE IS LITERALLY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL FEMALE IN EXISTENCE EVER. OK?


Not only that, she actually takes an active role in her love life. She storms the Dungeons of Sauron to get her man back. When her beloved dies, she goes into the afterlife to bring HIM back. 

She also rides a Warg,see?

(His name is Huan...which I assume is pronounced like Juan.)

You wish you could ride a Wolf.

DON'T LIE!! You totally do!