Top Ten Tolkien Toons You've Probably Never Heard Of (but are still awesome!) In no particular order...

(Pushes hipster glasses up brim of nose)

• Ioreth the wise woman (Lord of the Rings: Return of the King)

Ioreth is an elderly woman who works in the Houses of Healing. The Battle of Pelenor Fields has just concluded and Gandalf hears this really annoying woman gossiping with her friends about how bad the battle is and wishing they had a king because, "The hands of a king are the hands of a healer."

Gandalf, still listening, realizes this woman is smarter then he gave her credit for because she remembers the prophecy about the "Return of the King". Gandalf realizes that the fulfillment of the prophecy is at hand and goes to get Strider/Aragon to help the healers. This helps the people of Gondor come to know his integrity, not only as a soldier, but as a learned man, a healer, and a leader. 

A lot of other readers I've spoken to say they find her really annoying, because she is depicted very differently from other female characters in this series.  Her chattering annoys Gandalf, at first. She gossips during Aragon's corrination ceremony, and doesn't seem like a particularly heroic figure. She's a regular person who is also a woman, and that is rare in the Tolkien-universe. And that's why I like her.

• Turin (The Children of Hurin)

How can I even begin to describe Turin Turambar? 

He is the Human's answer to "Elves Are Cool!!! Doh!!!"

NO! ELVES ARE NOT COOL! 

Turin 

IS COOL. 

HE Eats Elves for breakfast...Or runs them naked across the forest until they fall off a cliff and die.

(Whatever you do, Do NOT insult Turin's family. Ever.)

Turin is a Tolkien's most tragic hero. He literally has the Satan of Middle-Earth cursing his entire life, working even the most virtuous aspects of his character against him. Through it all, he remains valiant and strong. 

Turin is so hot, Elf-maids are leaving their boyfriends for him. Unfortunately for them, he's looking for a Woman. And he finds one...who just happens  to remind him vaguely of his late father.

• Nienor (The Children of Hurin)

Counterpart to Turin, Nienor is Tolkien's most tragic heroine. Less solemn then Turin, Nienor takes after her proud, valiant (and a bit gutsy) father, whom she has never met. Like Turin, however, she just doesn't abide Elf society. Because she's as tall as a male-elf, she is able to impersonate one in armor (for a while, at least, until her mom rats her out). Because she shares the curse of the Children of Hurin, you know from the start she's not going to get a happy ending.  I felt even worse for her, though, because she was born into the curse and never had a normal, happy life.  

• Alf (AKA. Prentice) 

In "The Smith of Wootton Major." Alf is apprenticed to The Cook of Wootton. He first appears as a kid and ages very slowly. Alf is skilled baker and a hard worker. He's a people watcher. He's very opinionated but mostly keeps his thoughts to himself. When he does speak his mind, he's usually ridiculed for it. His motives are frequently misunderstood. 

The illustrations in the book always show him wearing dark colors in contrast to other characters, and he often comes across as a bit angsty so I've always envisioned him as bit of a Goth. 

I like Alf as a character because I think he "becomes" a human, in the same way that Smith "becomes" a fae. Wootton is an alien world to him, just as fae is to Smith. The people of Wootton (Such as Nokes the new cook) are the strange creatures/monsters he must face. 

• Took Clan Matriarch (Referenced in The Hobbit)

In "The Hobbit" it is explained that the Took family  is different from other Hobbits, it is widely believed that they share ancestry with faeries. Most speculate that one of the members of the Took clan must have taken a Faery to wife. I think that definitely would explain a few things! 

• Fredegar (Fatty) Bolger (The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, and The Return of the King)

 
(Fatty Faces a Dementor Ringwraith)

In The Fellowship of the Ring, there was another Hobbit who knew that Frodo had The Ring. Merry, Pippin, and Fatty knew that Frodo was leaving the Shire on a dangerous mission to destroy the Bilbo's old ring. Merry and Pippin decided to go with Frodo. Fred (Fatty) wasn't much of the adventuring type and stayed behind in attempt to trick the Ringwraiths into thinking Frodo was still in the Shire. Fatty was also a leader of the resistance against Sauruman's regime, imprisoned and nearly starved to death. 

• Imrahil prince of Dol Amroth (The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King)

(I couldn't find any pictures I liked of him. Imrahil is the leader of another army in The Battle of Pelenor Fields. In the movies they make you think it's just Gondor and Rohan, but really there's a whole bunch of smaller domains of men. Dol Amroth is one of them. 

In the books, Legolas meets him and instantly knows he has elf-blood, a reminder that there were more then two intermarriages between elves and humans. Imrahil is a proud warrior and political strategist. Acted as Steward of Gondor after Faramir was injured.

• Feanor (The Silmarillion) 

(this is a picture of him taking on a Balrog because he's just that cool)

One of the first Elves born, Feanors mother died giving birth to him. Her life-energy infused him with almost supernatural powers. Feanor was always kind of the black sheep in his family, His father re-married and had several more children, but only a few of his half-siblings could tolerate him. Feanor was very passionate about art. Made the Silmarils, modeled after the lamps in the heavens, which glowed with life-light. Had the most kids of any elf ever.

It was partly his fault the Silmarils were stolen and the world plunged into darkness. Melkor...the Satan of middle earth...came to power. Feanor and his children spent the rest of their lives trying to defeat Melkor and get the Silmarils back

• Maeglin (The Silmarillion)

(A creepy-stalker elf, but you still feel bad for him.)  

I have a feeling this guy was invented by Tolkien as a response to "Elves-are-perfect-and-can-do-no-wrong." .

Are elves perfect?

NO! Elves are people just like us. 

And Sometimes, they very, very bad people. Half-dark elf and half-Noldor, Maeglin had a bad up-bringing and his dad tried to kill him. 

I totally do not remember the name of the elf chick in Gondolin he had a crush on, or the name of the human guy she ended up with; why would I pay attention to 'yet another human male/elf female character romance' That's boring. A shady elf, that's cool! 

• Gil-Gallad (The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring)

(AKA. Elrond's Boss in The Last Alliance of Elves and Men)

Gil-Gallad was an elven king, of him the harpers sadly sing, the last whose realm was fair and free between the mountians and the sea.

This is the most beautiful of Tolkien's poems. The words just flow out of your mind when you think it, and your mouth when you speak it. It fills you with images of who he must have been and what must have happened to him.

...But long ago he rode away, and where he dwelleth none can say, for into darkness fell his star, in Mordor where the shadows are.

One more....

• Tinuviel (The Silmarillion)

(NOT Arwen.)


Arwen wishes she could grow up to be Luthien Tinuviel!

How did Tinuviel get this cool?

Part of it is genetic. She's half elf and half-Maia (The same thing that Gandalf is.) Wizard. Yeah, Wizard! So she's got awesome coming on both sides of her family.

When her parent's met, it was love at first sight. And they literally spent 1000 years just checking each other out. That's how hot each of them was. 


So SHE IS LITERALLY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL FEMALE IN EXISTENCE EVER. OK?


Not only that, she actually takes an active role in her love life. She storms the Dungeons of Sauron to get her man back. When her beloved dies, she goes into the afterlife to bring HIM back. 

She also rides a Warg,see?

(His name is Huan...which I assume is pronounced like Juan.)

You wish you could ride a Wolf.

DON'T LIE!! You totally do!

Short Stories

I haven't had time to read a novel in a while. So I've been reading a collection of short stories and speeches from books I find randomly.

There are some benefits to reading short stories instead of full length novels. Some of them are just as enticing as a full length novel (...a few of them are more so!), and they don't occupy a lot of your time. Even if they do suck (Which happens...too frequently.) at least you didn't waste a whole lot of time on them.

I've complied a list of five of my favorite short stories below.

1) Fall of the House of Usher by Edgar Allan Poe

(No good pictures of this one, Sorry.)

One-Liner Version of The Story: It's about a guy gets invited to his friend's house, and it's scary.

My Take On The Story: Obviously there's a lot more to the story then the one-liner would suggest. Roderick Usher is sick and scared and doesn't want to be alone so calls for his only best friend to come and stay with him. Touched by Roderick's plea, (...or suckered) The Nameless Narrator goes to Roderick's creepy house for an extended stay.

Most reviews I've read about it center around how Mr. Poe used words to create this really, really creepy place (The House). One reviewer commented that the character's should be considered the objects in the story while The House is the real character. 

I disagree.

While that atmosphere was a really cool aspect of the story, I think the coolest part of it is how Roderick and Madeline develop throughout the story. They kind of unravel like a mystery (A mystery that is never fully solved, sadly.).

At the start of the story, the Narrator (and by extension, the reader) doesn't even know Madeline exists.

Roderick's BFF (AKA The Narrator): "Uh, there's this really creepy lady walking over there!"

Roderick: "Oh, yeah. That's my sister."

Roderick's BFF: "You never told me you had a sister!" 

Roderick: "You can't talk to her, she's sick."

Roderick's BFF: "OK."

[Later]

Roderick: "My sister died, we need to take her body to the crypt RIGHT next to my house." 

Roderick's BFF: "OK."

(Later, as Roderick and his BFF pay their respects)

Roderick's BFF: "I'm so sorry about your sister. I never got to talk to her but she looks like she was a...uh....Wowsa! She was a babe! She looks JUST like YOU...I mean...you only a Hot Chick and all."

Roderick: "Yes, we were very much alike.  It's so sad to lose my twin."

Roderick's BFF: "WHAT?? You didn't tell me she was your twin! We grew up together all our school years and your TWIN SISTER never came up." 

Roderick: "Hmmm...his crypt is really creeping me out, how bout we go upstairs and read ghost stories."

Roderick's BFF: "Seems legit."

Because we get a bunch of little hints that there is more going on then what Roderick is telling you, we get to draw our own conclusions about why *SPOILER ALERT* Madeline was buried alive and returned from the grave to take revenge on her murderous brother.*End spoiler*

So here are my conclusions: The Narrator is a dolt and Roderick is lying. The House is not haunted and it is not what's making the Ushers sick. Madeline, Roderick, and their ancestors poisoned the house, made it a horrible palace to be...made it cursed and haunted.  

2) The Smith of Wootton Major by JRR Tolkien

(Picture source: http://browse.deviantart.com/art/The-Great-Cake-366624196)

(Yes, THAT JRR Tolkien. No, there are no Hobbits.)

One-Liner Version: Cake can change your life, ;) fairy-tales are sacred. 

My Take On The Story: 

I think it's pretty masterful how Tolkien crafted this story. 

Tolkien is throwing you (the reader) into a plot, and then gives you the background info as the story progresses. (Kind of like The Fall of the House of Usher, only cooler because we don't get killed at the end.) We (The reader) don't understand the Baker, or his Apprentice at the start. And even though Baker disappears shortly afterward, we continue to learn about him and the kind of life he must have led throughout the story.

The overall message is that there is more to the world then what we see. That ordinary people can be inspired from the realm beyond. And that it is important to recognize the source of inspiration and not mock it.

My favorite character was Prentice. I liked the little hints about his character all throughout the story. He's a teenager at the start, he get's all offended and angsty about the fairy-figurine because *SPOILER ALERT*he feels like his wife is being mocked.*END SPOILER.*

My Conclusion/Recommendation: 

If you're interested in finding out more about Professor Tolkien and how he saw the world, read this short story. It starts out feeling like a fairy-tale, but it's really a story about how important fairy-tales are in developing us as people. Smith recognizes how the gift of the fay-star has blessed him and his family, and *SPOILER ALERT*returns the favor by passing it along to another little kid. *End Spoiler*

On a side note, *SPOILER ALERT* Tolkien doesn't tell us the circumstances of Alf's banishment to Wootton, we don't know if it was by choice or because he needed to learn a lesson. However, because his first reaction to being re-instated as King of Fay was to say "Boy-ah!" to the guy who bullied him his whole life, I think it was probably a bit of both. Perhaps Prentice and the Queen of Fay were in a bad way, and he left to sort things out. *SPOILER ALERT*

3) Snow White and Rose Red

(WHY HAS NO ONE MADE A FILM OF THIS YET????????????????? It should totally look like this:

)

I keep reading in other people's reviews of this story (how else am I supposed to talk to people about these stories, no one I know has read them!) that say this is the most random fairy-tale ever. 

UM. HAVE YOU READ The ORIGINAL GOLDEN GOOSE STORY? Because this seems WAY less random to me. And it has a cool point.

One-Liner Version: (For me) Two sisters try to help people and it doesn't always work out, but helping others is always the right thing to do.

My Take On The Story: 

These two deserve to be Disney princesses! 

"They often ran about the forest alone and gathered red berries, and no beasts did them any harm, but came close to them trustfully."

(Does this not sound familiar?)

Here's another interesting note about the nature of the two should-be-disney-princesses: 

"Snow-white was more quiet and gentle than Rose-red. Rose-red liked better to run about in the meadows and fields seeking flowers and catching butterflies; but Snow-white sat at home with her mother, and helped her with her house-work, or read to her when there was nothing to do."

So, we have two princesses...two different types of women, who love and value each other. DISNEY ARE YOU LISTENING????

ANYWAY

....Two sisters repeatedly try to help an ungrateful, greedy Lizard Person...sorry...I mean dwarf and his adversary, a Gentlemanly-Bear (who actually turns out to be a prince...oh, and he has a brother too!) 

*ahem* 

Eventually it is revealed that the Dwarf is a sorcerer who has trapped a prince in bear-from, Snow White and Rose Red free the prince who is then re-united with his brother (Who is also a prince). Then Snow White and Rose Red each marry one of the princes. 

My Conclusion: 

OK so maybe it is a little random, it's a tale I think a lot of people who like sarcastic psudo-fairytales could actually appreciate this real one.

I mean, come on!  It's about two sisters making their way in the world and still trying to be good people.  Just make it a Disney movie already!

4) The Loathly Lady (Geoffrey Chaucer's The Wife of Bath's Tale)

This is my favorite of Chaucer's Tales!

One-Liner Version: A determined woman can have it all. 

My Take On The Story: (Note: There area a bunch of different versions so this little review will probably be a composite of what I can remember about them.)  In this story, King Arthur needs a woman's insight in order to defeat an evil-Knight. A very smart, but extremely ugly woman agrees to help but only if she can marry one of the knights of the Round Table. After some hesitation, he agrees and is triumphant over the evil-knight. The ugly woman returns to the court and is honored by the king, queen and the knights. They come to know her as a wise, intelligent, cunning and charismatic woman. One of the knights feels duty bound and agrees to marry her. 

After their wedding, right before they are about to go to bed together, the knight starts crying (That's just sad right there.) The ugly woman explains that she doesn't want to be ugly...she is cursed, she can be beautiful, or she can be an intelligent and wise.

She gives him the choice. "Which would you want me to be?" 

The Husband-knight thinks about it for some time, but can't decide what he wants. Ultimately, he defers to her judgement.

"I think you should choose." He says.

What does she choose????

(DRUMROLL!!!)

...........................................................................................................................................

(She chooses both, silly!)

She chooses the to be both beautiful and intelligent (...because that somehow is allowed by the curse...but only if he defers to her. Go figure.)

They live happily ever after...

My conclusion:

I think that Knight really, really wanted like...a normal looking wife. I mean, maybe he got to know her her personality and charisma a little bit before they got married but that's not what induces a guy to marriage (it may be what keeps a guy in marriage though). By giving him the choice, the ugly wife made him recognize that his judgement was not infallible. If he tried to control her for either end, he would regret it later.

(This next part is purely my opinion)>>>I don't care what the "Ugly Woman" professes in the story, she "cursed" herself. If you want a man to love you for your intellect, you have to prove to him how smart you are. She definitely proved that. Kudos, My Loathly Lady!

5) A Scandal in Bohemia by Sir Arthur Conan-Doyle

(http://humon.deviantart.com/art/Irene-Adler-and-Godfrey-Norton-291687052)

One-Liner Version: Irene gets what she wants.

My Take On The Story: Unfortunately, no film adaption I've seen quite captures the remarkable Irene Adler as well as the original short story. They focus on the fact that Sherlock becomes enamored with her (kind of) and invent a love story for the two.

Irene is not a villainess. She's been an "Adventuress", living life for the kicks (sing at the opera, travel the world, hang out as consort to a powerful political figure.) And now, she's finally met the right man and she's ready to settle down. 

Blackmail is just the practical thing to do...

She doesn't got head-to-head with Sherlock in this story...she doesn't need to. She's too busy getting ready to be married! 

My conclusion: Sherlock might have come to idealize her, but the feeling was not reciprocated.  She "Found a better man than him." in her husband Godfrey. 

Here are a few more good short stories that I like (But don't worry, I won't talk about them), here they are:

• Some Words With A Mummy by Edgar Allan Poe.

• I Am A Zombie Filled With Love by Isaac Marion.

• I Sing the Body Electric by Ray Bradbury (actually this is a collection of short stories, my favorite is the one where the woman gives birth to the baby who looks like a blue pyramid...I'm serious! It was really good!)

Enjoy!

What's Doctor Who?

It all started a little under two years ago now. When I re-started a Tumblr account and frequenting Pinterest....Then some people I've met in real life start whispering, "Doctor Who."

Me being the inquisitive person I am...

Made the dreaded mistake...

I asked the question...

THE QUESTION THAT MUST NEVER BE ANSWERED!!!! OR SILENCE WILL FALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!

Me: "What's Doctor Who?" 

Response from internet people: "OOOOOHHHHH GUUUURRRLLL U DONt kNOOWWW??" 

Me: "Well, yeah. I don't know. What is it?" 

Internet People: GUURRRRLLL!!!!!

Me: 

                                                     I shouldn't be here :(

^ This response was only slightly better then the response from humans in the wild. (Which is usually a blank stare, or they look away dismissively. Presumably because I don't worship at the Altar of the Fandom-God)

                                     You thought I was kidding, didn't you? Ha! I wish.

Now that I've watched most of the new series, I'd like to get the truth out there so curious people like me can get some straight answers without getting shunned by friends (or attacked by the fandom-mob).

• Doctor Who is a television program. It fits firmly into the Science-Fiction/Drama category. 
• It's made by British people and most of the actors are British  (its' actually a laugh to see how they think of other countries, particularly America, in some of the episodes)
• It's a fun show. Along the lines of the old-school Star Trek and Twilight Zone. If you've watched LOST (I have) you won't have any problem understanding the time-travel aspect of the show.  Lots of adventure, mystery, intrigue. Some humor and silliness. 
•  It's a fairly clean program. (Especially when compared to American programming counterparts) More on this below.
•  It has its thought provoking moments. Like "Star Trek", "Twilight Zone" and "LOST" there is frequently and emotional solution to a complex scientific problem. Self-sacrifice is praised and hope a midst adversity is a big theme. 

A few other things you should know:

1) If you watch the show, and find it's not your style that's OK.

2) If you watch the show and don't like it when the writer/director/actors change, you don't have to continue watching the show. And you certainly don't have to go on Tumblr and complain about it how "horrible" it's gotten when it's really just a matter of your opinion. (Though I certainly won't stop you, I just feel it's a waste of your time.)

3) Doctor Who is a mostly family friendly program. But that doesn't stop mild swear words and violence from occurring. Also issues relating to various types of sexuality are frequently explored.

I'd recommend pre-viewing it before allowing children to watch. Even though there isn't a lot of explicit stuff, some of it is intense. If you wouldn't let your kid watch Twilight Zone, I wouldn't recommend letting them watch Doctor Who.