Stress

Stress Sucks. Big time. It makes your heart feel like it's beating really fast and you can't concentrate on anything. People say stress is a motivator, but that must be a completely different kind of stress then what I have. It's like my mind is trying to process information and every time something is about to make sense it shuts down, gets interrupted.

 This stupid feeling gets in the way of everything I ever wanted to do or accomplish with my life. I used to have goals and aspirations, now I just want to cover up what I'm feeling with "Stuff-to-do". Apparently keeping busy (according to some friends of mine) is supposed to make you feel better. In my opinion, its like some prescription medications: it covers up the symptoms while the disease gets worse.

 One well meaning individual told me to "Find a passion." The problem: 1) I HAD A PASSION! Stress takes away the enjoyment I got out of it. 2) I have no motivation or drive to find a new one. When I go out, I really want to have a good time, but it's hard because underneath I still feel IT.

 When I think about all the stuff I used to want to do, that I don't want to anymore, I my stomach gets in knots. It makes life very rigid and inflexible. People keep telling me: "Oh, You are just stressed because of _______. Once that is taken care, of you will get better." I really don't think they know what they are talking about, or they are lying through their teeth.

 It also really burns when people tell me to "Just fix it" because if it were that simple I would have found a way to do this years ago. It's a pretty persistent thought/behavior pattern, and it hasn't been relieved by the stuff people said was causing it.

 I've been relying on the advice/experience of other people too much. I need to remember that they aren't me and no matter how much they care (or say they do) they don't live my life and can't understand. This is something I've gotten myself into because I listened to what other people said was "good for me." Instead of listening to my own instincts and figuring it out on my own.

 At this point, the only thing I know for sure is that, now that I have recognized it for what it is, my life needs to change...and soon. Until I make the changes, I can't expect to feel any better.