The Hobbit Stinks!

Visiting Disneyland immediately after the release of the second Lord of the Rings movie was a lot of fun. I remember walking down the side-walk at Downtown Disney, going into the movie-prop shop, to Tomorrowland and basically all over. I wasn't really even paying attention to what we were doing or what rides we were going on because I was too busy discussing invisible bullet-points to “Things that sucked in 'The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers'” with my big brother (and fellow Tolkien fan.)

It went something like this:

“Oh, my gosh. That was so dumb. Faramir didn't try to take Frodo and Sam back to Gondor in the book.”
“I know! he was a totally different character. And the whole thing with him beating up Gollum.”

“Ugh...That was so stupid!”

“Aragon falling over the cliff did not make sense at all.”

“Because there's now way we could like, find out that information except by accident! Not like we sent scouts out or anything.”

“Oh, my gosh! And they totally gutted the Ents.”

“No kidding! They didn't even have Quickbeam!”

(etc. etc)

Eventually, after a few hours of complaining, I came to a realization:

“Hey, CJ? You know, I think we really liked this movie.”

“Yeah," My brother admitted "but it's fun to complain about.”

We didn't really hate the movie, I think that simply by complaining about it we were (in a weird way) celebrating it. It was fun to: 1) “see” your fav. Character on screen, and 2) see a creative person's unique vision of the story (and it was fun to talk about how ours was better!)

In that spirit, I would like to discuss “Things That Sucked About The Hobbit”

• Azog the Goblin Who Was Magically Turned Into An Albino Orc

“Azog...Hmm...that name sounds familiar, I thought the one who killed Thorin's granddad died.” 

*Looks in the book*

“Ooh! He did die. His son Blog would have been the one to pursue the dwarves and fight them in the Battle of Five Armies.”

Boo! Not only did they loose the opportunity to expand the role of the goblin armies, they also lost the opportunity to explore them as sentient (albeit corrupt) beings. The roles could have been reversed a bit, with Blog trying to take revenge on the people who killed his father. That would have actually been true and it would have led up to the climax of “The Hobbit” better then side-stepping what Tolkien wrote.

• Thorin “Grumpy-pants” Oakenface

I understand what they were trying to do, and in a way I think they did it too well. Thorin Oakenshield is the most broody, majestic dwarf ever. While I think (especially after reviewing the Appendicies on him...but that will take up a whole post!) this is fairly consistent with Tolkien's vision of the character, I also think they painted him a bit too one dimensionally. Thorin knows how to have fun when he wants, and while he might be prejudiced, he is not racist and DOES NOT hate ALL the elves.

• Dwarves V. Elves

As with the previous heading, I understand they were trying to develop the antagonism between dwarves and elves. And establishing the darker, somewhat self-serving nature of elves by having the Wood-Elves show up right when the dragon takes over the Lonely Mountain and turn around and leave without an explanation was a nice touch. Makes me hope that Thorin goes completely crazy when the Wood-Elf king does the complete opposite for humans once the

(spoiler alert)

The dragon is killed.

(end spoiler)

:P

Emotionally, it evokes sympathy for the Dwarves and prejudice against elves. Practically though, it doesn't make sense that the wealthy Party-King Thranduil would be willing to render military aid (before he knew it was a dragon) but NOT be willing to render assistance to helpless refugees of a allied nation.

• Sauruman the Stick-In-The-Mud

I don't really have a big problem with the whole White Council scene (Except for the fact that its boring and takes away time from Bilbo and the Dwarves that could have been way more entertaining and establish Bilbo's relationship with the elves and contrast it with that of the Dwarves. Which in turn would establish Bilbo as even more of an outsider and out of his element, so much so that he doesn't mind being teased cuz' he knows it's all in good fun. And that the Elves are basically good-natured but except for a few like Lindir. (really deserves it's own bullet point, I guess))

Seriously! I wish the would have shown Saruman as an amiable guy. He's supposed to be someone Gandalf thought he could turn to in a time of need, someone who has all answers. Now they paint him as that bossy guy Gandalf can barely stand to be around. And you (the viewers) are like... “Well of course Saruman turned evil! He's a prick!” 

Take note! Everyone Gandalf tries to help thinks he is a prick! EVERYONE in freaking LAKETOWN thinks Bard is a nay-saying prick RIGHT before they make him their liege-lord.

The “good guys=nice/bad guys=mean” may seem convenient to the narrative of the story but it doesn't ring true...or even work particularly well.

• Mirror Imaging (*Jazz hands*)/Foreshadowing
  
  
  
  
  

It's not that I don't appreciate starting the Hobbit at the beginning of Fellowship of the Ring, it's great to tie them together and there is a pre-exisiting link, as Bilbo is writing down the story in Fellowship of the Ring's Extended Version anyways.

Also

There are some parallels that are organically a part of the Hobbit/Rings franchise. Whether it is “Expected” or “Unexpected”, there is going to be a party in both stories. And, of course, you can't cross middle earth without making a pit-stop in Rivendell. And if you try to cross over (not under) the Misty Mountains there is going to be a storm and your travel plans will be diverted. Eventually eagles fly everyone into the sunset/sunrise but not to the Lonely Mount Doom because even though they're afraid of human shepherds, but not of orc/goblin armies. Nope...

(Ahem...)

However,

Peter Jackson took the visual imagery to the extreme, causing some awkward moments. I'm thinking particularly of when Bilbo puts on the ring the first time. Like in the book, Bilbo is a bit OCD and we see Bilbo running with his hand in his pocket so the ring doesn't fall out.

It would be perfectly natural for him to simply slip on the ring at that point. It would be more secure on his finger, he wouldn't worry about loosing it so much. But, no....

BECUZ we MUST MATCH THE OTHER MOVIE PRECIOusSSSSSSSSS!!!!

• Music

I'm not talking about the songs sung by the dwarves etc. I actually really enjoyed those. I'm talking about the musical score; much of which is re-used from FOTR. I undertand using “The Shire” music, and some of the character themes, what I hate is when they use the exact same music overlay over a completely different moment.

For instance, when Thorin takes on the Azog the Albino Orc they play the same music played in FOTR's Weathertop...you know...when Frodo gets stabbed by the Witch-king and Aragon comes and chases them away.

The same low base beats (goes like this: Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun—Dun dun dun dun dunnnnnnn) Completely different moments! For Thorin, this is a highly-emotional personal battle and for the Hobbit'sin FTOR it's about escaping an eminent threat. It's pretty distracting when the same emotion is being played in the background.

Conclusion:

Ultimately, I think they did exactly what I was afraid they would do with the film: make it so grand and epic you loose sight of the personal journey of Bilbo becoming a better man/Hobbit.

In the book, Bilbo really is helpless: he doesn't even know how to climb a tree, he can't as fast as the dwarves (sometimes they even take turns carrying him) so much so that, when he reveals himself to be capable to great heroism, cunning, (and treachery) it's a huge surprise because no one would have suspected him of it.

Did that stop me from enjoying the film? No. I did enjoy Peter Jackson's version,  I just like mine better.